Starting from now....

As you may or may not know i lost my Dad last week.  He is not missing, he passed away last Tuesday.  I know this has been the single saddest day i have ever had to face. I have cried and cried, but never too much in front of other people.  I dont know if this is good or bad, but it is how i have dealt with it.  I dont want to put people in that awkward situation of being sorry or sad or not knowing what to say.  I think death is an awkward situation, everyone you see is sorry, sad and doesnt know what to say, myself included when other people have lost love ones. 

Dad had cancer.  I think he had it for longer than he ever admitted, see dad didnt want anyone to be sad, he didnt want anyone to feel sorry for him and he certainly did not want to admit defeat.  In the past, he had escaped so many illnesses, or did he?  Perhaps he just told us he was fine, i will never know. 

Dad did not want a funeral, he did not want people to have to take time out of their busy lives and have to attend a church when perhaps they had different spiritual beliefs, have a priest or a celebrant talk about a person they have never met, and have people cry when they have to say goodbye.  He also figured that the money spent on a funeral could be spent on say a trip to Singapore.  So we followed his wishes and had a 'gathering'. 

The hardest part was giving this 'gathering' a title.  Is it a reception or a toast or bon voyage?  It was also not to be called a wake.  Dad tried to organise his own wake for the Saturday before he died (he wanted to be there in person).  He organised all of the family to turn up to the hospital to have a BBQ in the visitors area.  Robina hospital has a nice facility for this, but you cannot actually use the BBQ for safety reasons.  Anyway the BBQ was changed to a picnic, we all turned up at the hospital and Dad was unable to attend.  He was not well enough.  The only thing he said on the day was to ask Tall boy who had won the footy the night before, then he went back to sleep.  At least everyone got to see him one last time.  I spent the next couple of days with him at the hospital then he was gone. 

We organised a 'farewell toast to Fred' for the following Saturday.  Friends and family dropped into mums place, it was a beautiful day spent listening to stories from different people on how they remembered my Dad, you know i didnt realise he had touched so many people until this day, the kind words and love that filled the room was amazing, i felt blessed.  A fellow band member of dads who knew him for many years came and played the bagpipes after a few words were said by my cousin in a toast (we nominated him as the only person who could keep it together to say a few words). 

Bagpipes are beautiful.  I loved watching my Dad play in the band (he was on drums).  We had a toast and drank Glayva (it was his favourite drink), it was nice. While i was deeply sad inside it was a special day spent with special friends and family and i thank you all for being part of my  Dads life, he would have loved to have been there to catch up with all my old school friends.

So now i am back home, and ready to regroup, with a few tears in private.  I love you Dad, you will be sadly missed.

On the back of this photo i found hidden in dads room, it had written on the back 1978-1994 RIP.  He cried when he traded it in.