Saturday 25th Jan 2013
Joe is at the pub, comes home blind drunk, announces that he has won a fantastic prize in a raffle during his 'meeting' with a client: a Jelly wrestle with three girls on Friday 8th of Feb. Yes you heard correct. Be at the Boathouse hotel at Coomera, you will witness something amazing. Really, it may be something you will not be able to unsee, but i will be funny. Today is our anniversary.
Saturday 26th Jan 2013
Joe has planned a suprise weekend for our anniversary, which was yesterday, but neither of us actually know what date we were married, only that it was Australia Day weekend. I had to do a survey on FB and then look for my marriage certificate.
Suprise mainly because we never celebrate it. A whole Weekend in an apartment at Broadbeach, dress bought from Kitten D Amore (my new favourite shop), i even had my eyebrows waxed where the beautician told me that her mum also suffers from excessive hair growth with age.
Dinner was also a suprise, with all of my besties there to greet us. A few drinks, great company and off to the Casino. You can tell we are getting old when the party of 10 quickly diminished to the regular threesome of Mr J, Ms N and myself. Ms N gave us a cut off at 12am, which quickly went to 1am after she bought us a bottle of Moet. Ms N went home on time, we went after we had donated some money to the casino and drank out of jam jars.
Sunday 27th Jan 2013
Holy shitcakes, storm fever. Oswald/Osborne/Ossy i cant remember the name, had hit the coast with a vengeance. I am storm phobic (i think i made my dog storm phobic) so we left early. Thank goodness we did, Tamborine was quickly underwater and out of power. Gold coast nearly got blown away. Actually my mums roof did, she found it in a tree.
For townies, you need to know that if we have no power, we also have no water and no toilet flush. I had 6 teenagers stranded here at the time, two are mine, two others are tempory guests and the other two are like foster children. This bought the total to 2 girls, 5 boys in the house. We played monopoly by candle light and had chips, cheese sandwich and biscuits for dinner.
They all eat alot and in turn, poo alot.
Monday to Wednesday
Cabin fever had already started to set in, and when Mr J was comparing a real mortgage to those of Pall Mall, i knew we were in trouble. I recorded the conversation because it was so ridiculous, i threw my money and never played with them again. The only other girl in the house agreed that Mr J and his son are shit to play with, game wreckers.
Each day after is a blur so i cant put them in any order, i will however mention some important points:
- You should not plant a Hicci on someones forehead, it is only funny for everyone else.
- Dont share a room with snorers, you will not sleep.
- Just because there is no power, it does not mean we are camping ie. leaving wet towels everywhere and waiting for someone to feed you.
- Spiders are big after storms and if one blacks out the sunlight while crawling over your face, it is probably a really big one and should not be flicked onto someone else.
- Horse poo will not stick to your white top, even if you are surrounded and have it thrown at you by 5 different people.
- Umbrellas break in tornedos.
- It does not matter how much toilet paper you put into the toilet, it will not make the poo go away, you need a bucket of water, or a plunger, or both.
- Mr J will help you unblock said toilet, but he will need a face mask and a team mate to take over when he needs to run outside to vomit, thanks Mr C, you are a good sport, and i know you were not the only one who poo'd. Tag team poo plunging.
- The plunger fits well onto ones head, just remember it was pushing poo the day before.
- Communal bathing in the swimming pool with the toads is not fun.
- Going over to the neighbours clean pool is, and they dont have teens bombing in it either.
- You can make you own flow rider with a bit of planning and a surf beach in your back paddock.
- Trees fall, but never if you park you car under them.
- COD will be there when the power comes back, the war wont be over, it is not real, you can still kill your mates, dont stress.
- Facebook will also be there.
- Even in a black out, you can have incredible pea and ham soup, cook all the food from the freezer in one day and get drunk with your neighbours.
- Unless you are the neighbours who moved up to the top of the mountain and a tree has fallen on the car you just sold. Deserters.
- Laying in front of the fan which has been turned on while the power is out, just so you are the first to know it is back on, will not make it come back faster, having a vodka will.
- Energex employees are not personally responsible for a 4 day power outage, even if you do chase them down the street to let them know that they are.
- Energex employees will not give you their home address so you can poo in their toilet.
I knew we had reached breaking point when Mr J chased that truck, after announcing that he may have to poo in the kitty litter if he cant flush a toilet soon. This was also after i made him clean some slime off the bottom of our defrosted fridge, which by the way, also made him vomit.
