Popping Candy and Sara Lee

I have been back at work for 4 days only this week, i am lucky enough to have Fridays off.  A long weekend every week.  Although it always feels really short so i dont know why it is called long.  By day 2 i was trying to figure out how i could go on paid stress leave for 20 years.  Apparently it is not possible, i did consider straight jacket type stuff, surely this would get me a few years.  Should this happen, it is all coincidence. 

Mr J has been cooking all week for us, he baked his very first cake and it was fab, i think he was pretty pleased with himself.  Pork Roast, i know the pork was pre roasted, but he did all the other stuff, it was good, followed by apple pie and custard.  We had a taco incident where he mixed in the salsa and not the taco seasoning.  I couldnt eat that one, not even to be nice. Funny today i can only remember 2 meals and i know we ate food every night. 

I have been waking up at 4am on the dot every morning, going back to sleep, then wake up at 5am to have coffee with Mstr J before he heads of to work.  I feel sad that he has just started his career and has so many years of hard work to go.  If only we could all not work.

This getting up in the dark has thrown me out of whack i think, that and the rain.  I have been saying it is like being up at night, and this morning The Project was on TV, confused or what ! I am thinking too that the out of whackness could be tissue memory.  Mstr E was born today, yes on Black Friday, i remember Mum even tried to talk me out of the caesar on this date 14 years ago. Not me, i live on the edge (mainly the edge of the lounge or the bed with the cats hogging the space).  So my baby is growing up, one is already grown, now this one almost there.

I went back to the gym today.  Wait.  I forced myself back to the gym today.  If they played Masterchef on the TV's i might have looked forward to it.  I hate it.  Not long ago i loved it.  I have about 9 months left on my membership. Whack.

My shower post gym, post groceries was busy.  Not the actual shower process but my head was like popping candy, it jumped from one thought to the next, really fast.  This is why i am writing this blog, i figured if i got it all out, my head would slow down or i might need to inject myself with the valium i keep in the fridge as an emergency should one of my cats or dogs need it. True. In brief this is what i thought about:

• Why i didnt clean the shower first, i had told myself yesterday i was going to do that today, it is swap towel, clean shower day.
• Lucious Mango Body Wash.  It really is.
• Fennel and Figs, they cook with them all the time on Masterchef, i should have bought them when i saw them at Coles before.  Fennel was only $1.  I dont know if that is good, i have never bought it, or noticed it for that matter. 
• The need for a new leather Pandora bracelet and why didnt i just get one when i was ordering my new wedding ring from the Pandora shop?
• What i could do for my wedding, and was that completely crazy and can you have another fancy wedding to the same person.  There is a method to my madness, its all about starting fresh. 
• Dinner parties and what kind of table i need to buy to put in manland.
• Whether we put a table or a lounge in manland, i figure that i might go in there if it has one of the two, plus we cant have a dinner party in the house because we have a baby dining table.  Sorry 2 guests at a time (share your chair with a cat).
• Leather or fabric (lounge).
• Singapore trip, yes i almost bought tickets to Singapore last night, to fly in September, when i dont even have holidays.  Whack. We are meant to be going in April next year to take Dad over there, Mr J and I thought we could check it out first.  Dont rule out tickets to Singapore, i am kind of excited by the thought of it and sad that Mstr E doesnt want to come and Mstr J cant because he is all grown and has a real job.
• How good i would be at basketball, seeing as the flannel i through over the top of the shower,  landed exactly where i wanted it to.
• Mstr E wants to go to disco tonight, i got sad because he should sit home and be bored shitless with his mum on his birthday.  I need to get over it. 
• Would have been cheaper to get eagle boys then the unneccesary grocery shop i had today to buy stuff just to make home made pizza for Mstr E.
• Why didnt Mr J clean the shower, he has had 3 days off work?

Can you imagine how i felt when i go out of the shower. Out. Of. Whack.

For the first two or three  years of Mstr J life, i made fancy birthday cakes, for the remainder (15) and ALL of Mstr E life they have had Sara Lee Chocolate cakes for their birthday.  I just decorate the top with something different.  Today Ethan has White Chocolate and Rasberry Sara Lee Cake (you heard right). I got a chocolate one too, i thought it would be bad luck not to, being Friday the 13th and all.

Those are the days of our lives

Lots of things buzzing around in my head today. Delayed and altered by the fact my blogger keeps deleting my blog and this is the third time i have written it.  The first one was so freaking funny.  Trust me.

For those of you not fortunate enough to work for the Dept of Education, i am on Natt Leave, this is non attendance time.  At Tafe we like to call it Not Leave.  I have never worked on my Natt leave, if my boss is reading this, i have made it all up for the sake of writing a blog. I am deep in preparation for next semester.

So far i have stayed in bed until 9 and watched morning television. I say that like i have been doing it for weeks, it is only Wednesday.  Today i bought a funeral plan for two which came with a magazine subscription.  Except when i did it online, because i dont like to talk on the phone anymore, i didnt have the option of a subscription.  I have emailed a complaint which required me to leave my contact number.  I hope they dont call.

I need to let you all know that i have also recently increased Mr J life insurance.  After the stabbing incident (and a hundred other things) i thought it might be time to seriously think about how we could live without him.  With our life insurance and funeral plan sorted, should either of us go all Baden Clay on each other, it is purely coincidence.  You need to know this in case you are called in for questioning by the police. Also i still have the script for his epi-pen in my diary, i promised him i would get this sorted for him, that i also do love him and that its not a lack of interest in purchasing this life saving device.

I have also compiled a new list on my phone for my not leave.

The cross indicates completion of a list item. Super effort i know.

I have lost my gym mojo.  My friend reminded my that Biggest Loser is finished.  This is true.  I used to join the gym only when Biggest Loser was on.  You can ask my old gym.  You cant really, it has closed down.  I was just saying. I have gone all Master Chef now.  Monday night i cooked a Jamie Oliver deal from the 30 minute cookbook, the mini one which came with the paper.  While it took about 45 stressful minutes of cooking three things at once, it was awesome. I am going to get the cook book for sure so i can try some others. Yesterday i spent most part of the day preparing arancini, after googling 'mince recipes' three from three family members asked what they were.  Understandable they looked like giant deep fried ice cream.  Master E put so much BBQ sauce on it, thank goodness it was not ice cream.  Today we are having steak, mainly because i hadnt selected a recipe by the morning and should i need anything i cant get it because Master J has my car.  Yes the car he said he would never drive once he got his licence. 

It is now 1.57pm and i am still sitting in front of the television.  With a cat on my lap and a laptop.  I am not the only one, my cousin posted a pic on facebook with her cat in a sling around her neck, just so she can go hands free at her desk, like a baby sling. Why didnt i think of that?

I will be the crazy cat lady.  Wait.  I am the crazy cat lady, its just my numbers are down at the moment.  I am working on this but Mr J has cut me off.

The last time i watched days of our lives was probably 15 years ago.  Beau and Hope have not changed.  I chose the heading for this blog before the show came on too.  Weird.

Not Holidays

I have been a bit absent in the blog department, perhaps i have had nothing much to say.

I am on holidays today.  Technically non attendance time, which means i am meant to be working on getting stuff ready for next semester.  I tend to plan my stuff ahead of time so i dont need to do any work on the holidays, which i love. When we are at work, we cant call them holidays.   I had a master plan for these 2 weeks, its a short list:

• Ride my horse, starting with a show this Sunday to make up for an ordinary show last weekend, two weeks of intense training and lessons:  Jim is lame, sooky la la can hardly walk. Bummer. Its ok he has medicine and i do feel a little bit sorry for him, but more annoyed he has ruined my only plan for my holidays. 

I now have to come up with some other ideas.

• Pick the last tomatoes and do something with them:  i have picked them and plucked them, i think they call for a relish/chutney something.
• Get back to the gym: i have had a week off because work just gets in the way.  It doesnt really, the gym is 24 hours, it has just been too cold and i lost interest.
• Clean my car: this wont happen
• Celebrate with all of my besties for one other of my besties coming of age.  She is 40.  The caterer has been located and i have a bed in which i have permission to vomit should i need to. I am excited about the party, not the vomit.
• Hopefully see my eldest son for more than 15 minutes each day:  he has his P plates and a real job and has only been here to sleep in his bed and drink my sachet coffee.
• Drink Coffee: not the sachet variety.

Happy Holidays !!

In the olden days

Do you remember when you wrote letters to friends, you know on paper with a pen, then put them in an envelope and go buy a stamp then put it into the mail box?

I remember you could buy so many nice letter sets, i know i had quite a few when i was younger, i even had a pen pal, she was from Texas and i still have the photo of her family.  They look like axe murderers.  I remember i stopped writing after that photo.

Anywhoo, i have promised a response to a fellow blogger via the way of a letter.  After i read it i felt like it kind of needed an official response, put pen to paper.  I have spent the last 2 days looking for a 'letter set'. I have gone to at least 7 shops and today i found one.  It is perfect.  She will laugh and hopefully put a pic up of it once it has been received. 

Move away from your letter box Miffy, it might not be there until Monday xx.

Labels

I had a coffee with one of my girlfriends the other day, an unplanned coffee treat. I was telling her about the stuff i found in my Dads cupboards after he died, how everything was so organised, how he had a giant box of all the Singapore trips put into envelopes and dated as per trip, each envelope held brochures and tickets and just stuff he collected while he was overseas.  I reckon Dad had 12 trips back to Singapore in the last 6 years, his last visit, he got sick and was stuck in bed, very cranky.  He had planned to go back to make up for it and didnt make it.  I will go for him. 

Anyway i told my doctor about it and he suggested OCD.  I asked my Mum if he had always been like this, for as long as i can remember he could pack a car like no other, also the fridge and the cupboards.  He would reorganise mine when he wasnt out creating a stick pile, walking over 5 acres to pick up sticks.  Mum said "your father was just very organised", i tried to tell her he had OCD.  Why would i do that? 

My girlfriend put a post coffee/discussion blog up which to my surprise (not really) she had categorised her holidays also, in almost the exact same way.  I cried.  Not because i was sad for her, but because she shared this with me. It doesnt matter what you do with your holiday stuff, or any stuff for that matter. If you choose to use it as wall paper, then do it, its ok (might consider this).

My Dad was really organised.

My girlfriend has gone through a lot, in fact she was missing for a bit, but has been back for a bit more, while i havent actually gone missing in body like she did, i have gone missing in mind, just a little and she especially  (and not excluding Inga and Madonna) have been my rocks for the last however many months.  Now the big man has helped with drugs and the little man is good with the tibetan bowl, but money cannot buy these girls and their support. I am not going to give myself a label, i dont need to, maybe just a little nuts.

40 something

On Saturday night we welcomed another member to club 40.  It is getting quite popular, with new members joining almost every month.  I am still not happy with my membership but apparently you cannot cancel it, no refunds, no returns. 

The girls had some pre-dinner drinkies in their apartment at the Hilton while i attended tall boys formal.  Can you believe that, grade 12 formal, i also cannot believe when he got out of the limo, before anything else, he came and gave me a kiss and a cuddle.  That must have been so embarrassing, he still did it.  Love you tall boy. 

Anywhoo after pre dinner drinks at formal i headed down the coast, destination Sufferers Paradise, in the blinding rain.  I almost died/turned around at least 6 times, but i knew i would never hear the end of it if i was to do a no show.  In hindsight i wish i had of turned around and just taken the beating from the girls, would have been far better than the 12 hours of staring into my toilet bowl. 

Dinner was at Salt Grill, some famous chef apparently owns it, but i was informed he is probably too busy to cook the food in it, only had his name on all the plates.  Gay.  So my $50 steak and beans was very tasty, add to that the McDonalds fries, yes people they looked and tasted like Micky D fries, the service was ordinary and i think that is why we got the complimentary fries, the bill was almost a grand. Wow.  Miss Cake remover had a discount card, gave us $50 off, we didnt tip, we decided to use the excess money to buy cocktails. This of course was after Miffy made a Japanese visitor with baby and sars mask pose for a photo.  I am sure she went and washed her hands afterwards.

Inga had said a few days before we just had to visit the bar that made molecular modified cocktails.  What ever that means.  Hell yeah i thought.  So we did.  This is when they turn liquid to other stuff like foam or sherbert or smoke i think and we drank a bit of each.  I think this made me sick.  Madonna went home because she is trying to re write the bible and Miffy cleared out also as she feared she might get arrested should she stay out with us.  Goodnight, dont forget the keys.

Off we go.  Avenue.  Beergarden: they clearly didnt know who we were and when Miss bday girl announced we used to drink in that very place when we were 16, he didnt care.  Not one bit.  Arse.
Down Melbas via the Irish bar, we danced here to a really bad band, Inga met a boy.  Enough said. 

Melbas, more drinks and finally home.  All i can say is thank god for Miss cake remover to get me home safely, i dont actually remember getting there.  Smoking apple drink, you are to blame.

Morning after.

I woke up on the floor, i lay there for a minute trying to decide where the fark i was.  I stood up, there are 2 girls in a bed.  Who are they, where the fark am i and where are my shoes. It felt like 15 minutes of walking around this room, trying to figure out what had happened and why was i in a strangers room with no shoes.  Bday girl rolls over. Phew. Familiar face and i hug her.  Where the fark am i?  Adjoining room.  Phew. Everyone is next door, yes this is where i went to bed, somehow i made it to the floor of Bday girls room.  Phew.  And i help put a cake away and may or may not have eaten some horse duvers that had salmon on them and were left out overnight.  Salmon made me sick.

Laugh out loud the next morning hearing the stories of the night.  My god my girls crack me up.  I think the laughing made me sick.  Apparently the apples made Madonna sick and also Miffy who had to stop to retch (not vomit) in the hotel bin.  We are a classy bunch.

A little bit of crazy and a whole lot of love....

Lunch date today with my besties aka charlies angels which was then changed to awesome foursome as there is four of us and not three. 

We have known each other since training bra age, i still wear a training bra when i dont feel the need for a bra with stuffing, anyway it has probably been since we were 13 ish onwards that we have known each other.  There has been gaps in our friendships when we have been off doing other stuff, all the while living in the same state, just doing other stuff, now we are back together and i love that (i know i have probably said this in a previous blog, just want to refresh your memory). 

Get togethers usually mean gifts from someone, last time Miffy lost my gift, although did have Madonna searching Sufferers Paradise to find it without any luck.  So Miffy brings a decoration for our Easter Tree and some lemons.  The chef in the restaurant thought he should bring a bottle of tequila to the table, given the amount of lemons we had.  We dont need tequila.  They found this out after 3 hours of talking and laughing out really loud.  We talk about the funniest things, even the non funny things become funny, I am talking so funny we need a tissue to wipe the tears from our eyes.

Humphrey syndrome is not funny, we should not laugh.

I think there is some confirmed and yet to be confirmed crazy amongst us, I know there is a whole lot of love.

Car Wash

I spent a bit of time vacuuming about 6 tonne of dirt out of my car this afternoon.  Next i thought i would wash my car.  Pack the bucket, the car wash and drive the car around the back near the tank to start washing.  There is not pump on this tank, that is ok, i will just take a bit longer to do it, so what if the water wont run out of the hose when you reach the roof of the car.  Tom wanders over looking for Elvis (who i called Joe in my previous blog) and when i ask him to tell tall boy to come wash my car, he says "if you want it done right, do it yourself" agreed, i am a fan of this saying.  And i was in a car wash kind of mood.

10 minutes later Tom and Elvis come back out to see how i am going.  Not "right" apparently, Tom says bring it over to his house and use the wash bay where he washes his trucks.  Ok, i reluctantly give in and take my little car over.  Tom seriously has a wash bay, with a high pressure hose and special shampoo stuff and a drain under the car.  Tom and Elvis wash my car for me, i sat in the sun and did nothing.  So if you want something done right, start doing it yourself until a better offer comes along.

FYI when you google hot guy washing cars, you are directed to all sorts of gay porn sights. Really. 

Dry spell

So it seems that not only i am going through a blog dry spell.  Madonna, who is a daily blogger, and had i not been going through so much would have noticed earlier, that i hadnt read her blog for some time. Just yesterday i realised i hadnt gone onto her blog, excitedly i went the the bookmark, thinking i have at least 2 weeks to catch up on, nothing, nata, nil.  Madonna is seriously busy with a thesis, yes she is a smart blogger, and has not come up for air/food for some time.  I know she would be having coffee but was concerned about the other, until tonight she puts up a platter her beautiful candian made as a study snack.  So now i know she is eating and well air is a given, or she would be dead.  I will confirm this on Wednesday when the awesome foursome meet for lunch.  I had called us charlies angels, was their 4 of them or 3 (i could google this but i like to have a question, just to check that you are reading). 

So i have left my chair purchase phase and have moved into the cook like a crazy person phase.  This started when i was off for couple of weeks, a couple of weeks ago.  I never have really liked cooking, i mean i will cook if it involves one bowl and up to 4 ingredients.  I think this started with the increasing amount of magazines which are entering my house (smoking was much cheaper).  I am buying recipe mags and other mags that have recipes in them.  I cut out the good ones and glue them into a scrapbook and write notes next to them about stuff i might need to buy which wouldnt always be in the pantry. 

What i have learnt is that the stuff i cook, does not EVER look like the recipe.  I have had some epic fails, and thankyou family  Joe for still saying it tastes ok, the young boys are less forgiving, thats fine, dont eat EVER, see how you like that.  Not only am i cooking, but setting our mini dining table and we are all sitting at it, i was going to light candles tonight but i thought that might be going to fast and would freak everyone out. 

Note that on the box the cakes rise over the top of the case and the icing flows down the sides, also the most ridiculous cake mix i have ever seen, these cakes are about the size of a teaspoon. 

Starting from now....

As you may or may not know i lost my Dad last week.  He is not missing, he passed away last Tuesday.  I know this has been the single saddest day i have ever had to face. I have cried and cried, but never too much in front of other people.  I dont know if this is good or bad, but it is how i have dealt with it.  I dont want to put people in that awkward situation of being sorry or sad or not knowing what to say.  I think death is an awkward situation, everyone you see is sorry, sad and doesnt know what to say, myself included when other people have lost love ones. 

Dad had cancer.  I think he had it for longer than he ever admitted, see dad didnt want anyone to be sad, he didnt want anyone to feel sorry for him and he certainly did not want to admit defeat.  In the past, he had escaped so many illnesses, or did he?  Perhaps he just told us he was fine, i will never know. 

Dad did not want a funeral, he did not want people to have to take time out of their busy lives and have to attend a church when perhaps they had different spiritual beliefs, have a priest or a celebrant talk about a person they have never met, and have people cry when they have to say goodbye.  He also figured that the money spent on a funeral could be spent on say a trip to Singapore.  So we followed his wishes and had a 'gathering'. 

The hardest part was giving this 'gathering' a title.  Is it a reception or a toast or bon voyage?  It was also not to be called a wake.  Dad tried to organise his own wake for the Saturday before he died (he wanted to be there in person).  He organised all of the family to turn up to the hospital to have a BBQ in the visitors area.  Robina hospital has a nice facility for this, but you cannot actually use the BBQ for safety reasons.  Anyway the BBQ was changed to a picnic, we all turned up at the hospital and Dad was unable to attend.  He was not well enough.  The only thing he said on the day was to ask Tall boy who had won the footy the night before, then he went back to sleep.  At least everyone got to see him one last time.  I spent the next couple of days with him at the hospital then he was gone. 

We organised a 'farewell toast to Fred' for the following Saturday.  Friends and family dropped into mums place, it was a beautiful day spent listening to stories from different people on how they remembered my Dad, you know i didnt realise he had touched so many people until this day, the kind words and love that filled the room was amazing, i felt blessed.  A fellow band member of dads who knew him for many years came and played the bagpipes after a few words were said by my cousin in a toast (we nominated him as the only person who could keep it together to say a few words). 

Bagpipes are beautiful.  I loved watching my Dad play in the band (he was on drums).  We had a toast and drank Glayva (it was his favourite drink), it was nice. While i was deeply sad inside it was a special day spent with special friends and family and i thank you all for being part of my  Dads life, he would have loved to have been there to catch up with all my old school friends.

So now i am back home, and ready to regroup, with a few tears in private.  I love you Dad, you will be sadly missed.

On the back of this photo i found hidden in dads room, it had written on the back 1978-1994 RIP.  He cried when he traded it in.