Nick Names

Everyone has a nick name, some that just stick and you dont mind be called, others follow you around for a very long time, you try to lose them, but they just keep following you.

Before i was married and fortunate enough to gain the Russell name (because there are separate rules for Russells), my maiden name was Wood. 

Woody Woodpecker featured for a few years in primary school, along with the name came the laugh...not from me, i hated it, but smiled and went along with it, eventually the other kids got bored and stopped saying it, or perhaps i changed schools.  "knock knock knock on wood" was also a feature song in my junior life and i must admit it is a favourite now (the song, not the heckling).

My BFF Miffy uses nick names in her blog, in fact i am Scarlett, which i dont mind so much, and half the fun has been reading her blogs and trying to figure out who is who, i thought i would borrow her idea.  It is difficult sometimes because i dont like to offend, and believe me i could throw out some crackers based on the fact that all of my friends are completely insane (thats why i love them). Sometimes i just spell them wrong...sorry Naana (aka Nana): the 'a' is long?  I may need Madonna's assistance seeing as she is a literary genious and can confirm this attempt at explaining the pronunciation (nar-na).

"Slim" is a good friend of mine, yes he is in my friend book (for another blog) and although we met through marriage (my hubbys friend not a second hubby), he has confirmed that if i ever split from hubby, i could stay in the friend book, hubby would have to go.  Woody woodpecker is much more fun. I cant use Slim (as his name) in my blogs (although i am tonight) as it is his regular nick name, so much so, i actually didnt know his real name for a very long time and sometimes now i still have to stop and think about it.

Slim is by far one of the funniest people i know, with some of the most ridiculous stories, perhaps i have too many nick names to choose from, dont despair Slim, you will surely earn a name in Vegas, i can guarantee it.

Lists

As previously mentioned i like to write lists.  I dont always do the things on my list, actually i often lose them in the bermuda triangle soon after writing them.  I write them on backs of bills, on scrap paper and sometimes on new paper, but i neally always lose them.  Perhaps i need to write myself a note to remember to take my list.  I thought it would be handy to have a list book, one book where i can keep all of my lists in one place and always carry it with me.....i lost it.  Now i just cant find the perfect book to replace it, needs to fit in my hand bag and be bright so the likelyhood of me losing it decreases (does that make sense).  I dont want to lose it.

As you may or may not know, I am part of the 2011 Vegas Tour with 10 of my close friends in 16 days, 4 hours, 39 minutes and 44 seconds (exact time when i started this blog, decreasing in time every second i type), yes i am excited (can you tell).  I have not travelled overseas as a grown up, in fact i have not ventured further north than Noosa or south than Sydney, this is why i dont ever do the 'what percentage of the world have you travelled' on crackbook (facebook for another blog), my percentage would be embarassingly (is that a word) low. Note to self, complete 'what percentage of the world have you travelled' when i get back.

Anyway

Such a venture into the big wide world has meant i have started (and lost) many lists, even though i have a designated 'Vegas Tour' file in my filing cabinet...wait...it is missing also.  So the list closest to my computer reads:

LMFAO Sept 16 Planet Hollywood
Vegas indoor skydiving
James size 9
Ethan size 6
Wrangler-Vegas outlet centre
Maid service $2-3 per night (i can only assume this is for room clean) and a reminder to leave a thankyou note with the tip (surely room clean)
Tip dealers at end of session 5% (please be referring to gaming tables, unless he is 20 something with abs)
and some drug dose rates (this is for work, not Vegas related at all)

Now this list is not really helpful, i need to write a note which reminds me to write a list of useful items.

So tonight i am going to start a useful list, as i have already started to pack.  Pop Princess has given me a tip, pack one pair going out shoes, black pants, black skirt and buy everything else there, also to purchase comfortable clothing for the flight which could also be worn in public...i did have a nice grey tracky i was hoping to wear !

16 days 4 hours 3 mins 9 seconds

The Cats Meow

I love cats.

At one stage I had 7 of them, people told me i would end up the crazy cat lady, living with about 100 of them, crawling my way through piles of kitty litter and fur balls, that is if i survived the night with all 100 sleeping on my bed.  Of course this is post hubby. He does not like cats.  He tolerates them to keep me happy, in fact he would bring me home a kitten as an apology kitten, all would be forgiven.  Jim (my horse) was also an apology kitten (or horse), i cant even remember why. And i do plan to become the cat lady...i dont care what anyone says about me.

Anyway...

I left my phone at work (something different) and i was in desperate need of an alarm so i could get James to school by 7.30am so he could attend some inter college sports day featuring Javelin (which i didnt think he could even do). Did you know the T hub, i purchase i was bullied into getting on my last visit to the Telstra store, ingenious invention (well not really) but i felt like i had a cheaper version of the ipad, well it has an alarm....awesome....whats even better is you can set the alarm to sound like a cat.  Now you cant preview the alarm sounds, so it was pot luck, as soon as i saw cat tone, i selected it, then raced to bed, i needed to get to sleep fast, so i would wake up sooner when i hear the sound. 

About 8 hours later i was awoken by a constant "meow" and 2 off my cats completely flipping out as they thought there was a visitor in the house and my lovely Stu; who some say is challenged, he actually was hand raised and at 3 weeks old he came to a footy match and the pub, he needed 4 hourly feeds and his bottom wiped....a difficult task after you have had about a thousand cans of Jimmy.  Stu is now 9, has had a sex change and is the love of my life. Hubby hates him. I think he Jealous (of the cat, not the sex change).

Anyway...

After i navigated my way through 2 of my cats flipping out in the doorway (the T hub is in my office aka bermuda triangle) I found Stu staring  into the T hub.  I think he/she/shim is in love.

Footy Trip Weekend

Every year we celebrate the end of footy season with a weekend at the Vibe Hotel in Sufferers Paradise.  Arrive on Friday, quiet night in, and this year we included a Saturday at the races, we booked a function room, which was fantastic, had our own tote, open bar and food, and a group of great people. 

Refer back to the quiet night in on Friday.....

8 couples checked in throughout the day, we headed for Yum Cha lunch with Queen Scrub Turkey and her other half, Nana and Queen Adelaide.  Nice, we drank tea and coke.  Checked into the hotel via the bottle shop and by 5 pm i drank a whole can of Jimmy which i had put my cigarette butt into, this is pretty much an indication of how the 'quiet night in would progress', i thought it had tasted a bit funny (funny strange, not funny ha ha).  No dinner and by about 9pm we had lost at least three quarters of the team, they had succumbed to the $5 breezers.  I think the ash from my butt lined my stomach.

Tom and Carol, myself and my hubby (still no nick name) headed to Cavill Mall for kebabs/pizza/hotdog, which ever was closest.  Standing on the corner of the Bavarian Steakhouse (yeah i know its not there anymore) and we were caught in a 'sting'.  Tom had his crotch sniffed by a drug detection dog, consequently he was patted down (Tom, not the labrador).  He had to empty all of this pockets, including the contents of his wallet, now this is a man who is packing Hankies, not ekkies and so Tom became the 'Two Hanky Bandit' (sorry Tom/THB).  I could not put a pic with this as the police did not think it was very funny when i asked them to pose for a blog photo, no not even a smirk, so in fear of them confiscating my camera i didnt take any photos. Party Poopers.

Danced  at The Avenue Nightclub (it has no cover charge), had a guy convinced Carol and I were the girls off the block (Katrina and Amie), he asked if we were, we didnt want to disappoint him....he said "thats awesome, you guys rock", was he referring to our TV celebrity status or our shuffling ?  I found a vending machine which dispensed mini makeup items, have these always been around ?  For three dollars i got a mini lip gloss and for another three i got a pack of mini bobbi pins and hair ties, both of which broke on first application. On exiting the nightclub to go and get some kebab/pizza/hotdog (which was what we were meant to be in Cavill Mall for in the first place), Carol and I were fortunate enough to have our photos taken with some semi dressed 20 somethings with abs...yes people abs, hubby and Tom also wanted their pics taken with the 20 something ab boys, is that weird?

Kebabs are so awesome.

Buskers are awesome too, they may or may not have a bit of my onion in there guitar cases, we were dancing with our hands in the air, so much fun.

Bed 2am, yep quiet night in.

Saturday is race day, off to the track for a private function in the Winners Circle room, this is great.  As a warm up, we went to Grundys (no i wont call it Timezone) and played video games for 2 hours...hubby got motion sickness from a powerboat ride and almost vomited. Queen Adelaide, Princess Jandal and myself got to end of Pirates of the Caribbean....seriously you have go play that game.

Throughout the day i managed to win or place in 7 from 8 races at the track, i dont place a bet until i can see the horses, seems to work well for me, needless to say i didnt go home broke and believe it or not after drinking a thousand bourbans i was not pissed either.  Unfortunately i could not say this about my fellow scrub turkeys.....Blind.....and now back to the Titanium Bar because we needed to drink more (WTF).  We all got in ok, this suprised me, immediately 6 people were cut off.....it was 6pm.  One by one they fell.

I needed to regroup as one of BFF was meeting for a drink.  Switch to Zambucca and i was back on track, dont worry i dont drink it straight, it has ice in it. 

Based on the fact Nana (who had been cut off twice and almost arrested) thought my beautiful blonde BFF was a swedish backpacker, she will now be known as Inga.  Now Inga and i have know each other since the mid 80's.  At 16 years old we ran away from home to become stars in a Japanese commercial for a soft drink called Aids (yes you heard right) and rented a motel with mirrored ceilings (it was in all the rooms i think) and now here we were in a bar which is built on the same place that mirror ceiling motel room was ...  I think....

So Inga is a bubbly drinker and was astounded at my ability to drink so much Zambucca and not vomit, the same is true for my thoughts on bubbly.  When the Titanium Bar ran out of Zambucca ( surely i didnt drink it all), rather than call it a night, we headed into Cavill for kebabs/pizza/hotdog...or...The Avenue, i remember when we used to go there to laugh at all the old people........

We ran into some very old friends (time not age) and the party kicked up a gear, back to shuffling, air guitar and of course the boy in the checked shirt.  Cute.  Young.  Kept looking at Inga.  Step in 'Ultimate Wingman', while i think that is me (based on my success rate), hubby thinks its him.  It was a battle of the wingmen.  Checked shirt cute boy had a girlfriend and we know this because my hubby asked his mate, I suggested we infiltrate the group, hubby thought it would be quicker to just ask.   Bummer.  I think CSCB felt a bit weird and his party left.  We left ages after and despite the fact our conversations were unclear and we all had the wobbly boots on, Inga wants to go to Melbas.  We move through the busy bar to find a table, and who is next to us.....CSCB (checked shirt cute boy for those of you who may have lost track).  STALKERS, yep we looked like creepy cougars, honestly we didnt know he was there, maybe he followed us (didnt think of that).  

So when it got too hard to talk, that is when no words were decipherable and hubby/wingman #2 left us, we decided to get that food we left for about 5 hours ago.  Pie Face. What happened to the dodgy pie truck that used to park out front of Melbas 20 years ago, you risked your life with the traffic on the road and the pies, it was dangerous. 2 chicken pies with smily faces and tomato sauce, i dont remember the conversation, i just remember we laughed alot and i finished my pie with a spoon.  Taxi for Inga whose shoes had become very wobbly indeed, i went for comfort because i am 40, mine wobbled much less. Good night sweet Inga, i had a fun night....it is now 3.30am.


Is it a sign of good night when you come out of the bathroom and your skirt is on inside out?

xx

UFO's

I am the queen of unfinished objects, yes i admit it.  I am also the queen of writing lists, sometimes i cross items off when they are complete, sometimes i add items i have already done and then cross them off just so it looks like i have finished something, i started a Bachelor Degree just so i could say i completed something big: i have been doing my third year for about 3 years so far.  Getting back to UFO's.

In my quilting phase of life when i was pregnant with my first born, i started a quilt.  I left work the minute i found out i was pregnant, i thought the best i could do for my unborn child was to sit at home, watch bold and the beautiful and eat at least one Sarah Lee banana cake every day....add 36kgs, mainly on my ass. It made it to the ready to pin together stage by the time my first born arrived.

The quilt endured three house moves, and on the third it was relocated to Queen Adelaides house as i had very little storage in this house we moved into.

On prom night Queen Adelaide presented me with the finished product, i was deeply touched, while technically i had not finished this unfinished project, it was now ready to put on my bed.

My firstborn is 16 and a bit years old.

In a box in the horse shed i have 3 more UFO's from my quilting phase...i will keep you posted.

Lost property

Russell Down Hotel was established in the late 90's i believe and has since been relocated to Tamborine Village aka Manland/Chicksville, depends who you speak to.  I have always been astounded at the amount of lost property after a 'function' and impending doom celebrations left the most amount of lost property, the list is as follows:

5 x wigs of various styles (mainly mullets)
3 x corsages
1 x purple beads
2 x sunglasses (odd, it was a night function)
1 x gold and white suit inlcuding socks
1 x grey suit
1 x silver falcon (it went missing in the afternoon, my apologies if it was yours)
2 x persons: The Axe and Bugs
2 x porta loos (they have not been picked up, so i believe they are now the property of Russell Down Hotel)

I just wanted to mention these items in case anyone was looking for them, The Axe and Bugs were reluctantly claimed by their owners and everything else has gone to the lost property box...perhaps an idea for the next party as i could dress at least 30 people with the items i have accumulated over the years.

I also thought it important to talk about an essential item for any function; a Tamborine.  Arent they fun ?  That is of course if you can pry them out of the hands of the Tamborine Hog (and everyone knows one) they run a close second to the karaoke microphone hog (and we know plenty of these). The tamborine is a great substitute for those of you who are afraid to sing, i used to be afraid to sing, but in my own head i think i do ok (or rhubarb my way through it), and it is all about song choice...dont pick the songs you really cant sing, select the ones you sing less badly.  I practice in the car (constantly, in preparation for the next karaoke night), then write the song names down on my iphone, dont know what i was thinking when i chose copa cobana and didnt have the assistance of moraccas (is that how you spell it?)

My advice is to give it a crack, you should have 'smash out a tune at karaoke' on your bucket list, it is very liberating, and when all your friends are as pissed as you are, you can really rock it, they will cheer at anyone....

Reflections of my impending doom celebration....

When i decided to have a 40th birthday party, i was torn between 2 themes:  a wake or a prom night, i thought a prom might assist with the transition to adulthood being 1.an opportunity to frock up and 2.an excuse to crimp my hair without judgement, yes i do still own a crimper, although conveniently awol on the day, was rescued by Miss TT # 1 when she produced one from her luggage (Miss TT # 1 brings luggage and zucchini slice to a sleepover) and it was still in the box! I wondered if there was a process where you could have a crimp permanently applied to your hair like a perm, i would really be into that, after all i am a grown up now (in one more sleep) and dont care what anyone says.

So i ordered a princess dress from America, it cost $75 in total and i felt like a princess aka Scarlett Ohara (my apparent 'current' nickname from my BFF and felow blogger).  The train was so long and i put my heel through it about 15 times (note to self, ugg boots cause less damage). I will have it dry cleaned and pray for another time to wear it again. 

The day of the celebration started with platter anxiety, and a 3 second rule did apply to some kabana....but i dont remember which platter we put it on, i blame the mullet wearing plumber who came to fix the tap in the morning for making me drop the kabana.  My terrier 'Felicity Jane' carried out a whole cob loaf in her mouth, hence the missing cob loaf dip on the night.

Balloon pick up was next and after three of us girls (TT #1, myself and Queen Scrub Turkey) crammed into Queen Scrub Turkey's (ST explanation for another blog) work van, which by the way is feminine hygiene unit delivery van and only had two seats, so i sat on the floor in between the two and handed out cigarettes during the trip (which by the way ST is NOT allowed to smoke in after she was fined for throwing a cigarette butt out the window...and she still denies)  we were excited that  we had successfully transported 100 balloons filled with helium after all the horror stories the ladies in the party shop told us about losing balloons out the car window/door. No helium/cigarette explosion, no balloon loss, and no mix up between the FH units/durries/balloons...we were happy.

Back home and now i could have a drink.  Miss TT # 1 and i were ready 2 hours early, we were a bit excited.

The guests started to arrive, so many mullets and fabulous frocks, i did not recognise half of them.  My poor photographer had a malfunction with the lights, luckily we had a back up plan in place which included a set of Bunnings lights, and i cant wait to see the photos ! Amongst the many photos taken was our very first successful attempt at a three tier human pyramid, which by the way was not instigated by the song 'Mickey', and for those of you who dont know me, this is not the first human pyramid I have been involved with, just the first successful one, which didnt result in a pile of druken arms and legs.... a huge win for us as the mullet brigade were not so lucky and probably caused the most damage to the backdrop, which spent half a day to build and one pyramid to come down. Not so badly that we could not put the Axe in front of it at 11am still drunk in his jocks with strategically placed balloons....no i cannot post this photo (amongst others), this is where i touch on the subject of going to bed and leaving your camera out so that your children and their friends can find a piture of a teabag (and this is not the one you put in a tea cup)....sorry Axe. So i must say i was also not suprised to find messages on my phone to let me know that someone had been using it through the early hours in the morning to possibly send the same pics.

Now my beautiful Sister and Niece have decided to create cakes, my sister is an excellent cook and the cake tasted amazing.  When she asked me to preview it before they carried it into manland i was a little concerned.  A two tiered, white iced cake, covered in stars and ribbon...amazing...add to that fallen champagne bottles and a girl laying down with a shoe missing with vomit cascading down the tiers, including peas and carrots (did you know there is a pocket in your intestines which saves these vegetables for exactly the time you vomit?)....it was so very me, yes i admit it.  Now i wondered why a card with the word 40 printed on it upset me, but a cake with vomit did not, go figure.

Sid and Nancy turned up as the names suggest, did not read the invite, so did not know it was prom night.  Well Nancy is a pom and she had not a clue what a prom was and Sid, well he simply did not read the invite.  They were concerned that i would be upset with my gift which was a photo of Kath and Kim with my mum and my own face on their bodies...laugh...this was the result of a $300 glamour shoot i dragged my mum to and the resulting print was just that....Kath and Kim, you will not see the glamour shoot pics anywhere on my wall for obvious reasons.

Now i only drank Wild Turkey all night as i have been hit with the slushy stick way too many times over the years.  It is funny that when we fire it up, it is only the new people who drink it....invite them back to another party i can guarantee they will BYO and not walk within 3 feet of the slushy machine, dont worry i wont be offended, it is toxic and i think the reason for this is that i dont actually measure anything that i pour into it, i just keep adding until we hit the 20lt mark (and sometimes it does get spiked).....sorry.

In an attempt to meet my self imposed challenge of staying up until the sun rises, i found myself falling asleep in mid conversation with a turkey in my hand (the drink, not the bird), i say conversation, it was probably not even more than 2 words put together correctly in a sentence.  So at 5.15am i went to bed....i only needed to last about an extra 45 minutes...huge fail, but i am not overly concerned, there will be another occasion where i can improve on my stay awake skills.

When i opened my eyes after a brief 4 hour comatosed state, i felt ok and breaky needed to be organised for the strays.  Fortunately hubby (who i havent a nick name for...yet) and some strays had started cleaning around the last 2 people still drinking at the bar in manland: Bugs and The Axe.  Bacon and eggs, a cup of tea some laughs, some nudity and a visit from the local police who by the way was met in the driveway by The Axe in jocks (i believe the reason he was down to jocks was because he had to retrieve a sausage from the bottom of the pool)  and i headed back to bed in hope of getting rid of the headache which may or may not have caused my head to split open and spill my turkey soaked brains onto the floor. Round two and i was feeling much better.  Bugs and The Axe were spooning downstairs, they had hit their wall and their wives were probably much happier i was stuck with them both still.

Now all was fine this day until i was reminded that we are to attend a footy trip away to Sufferers Paradise, which might include a Friday night pub/club/stripper/timezone horse racing crawl and a day at the real horse races on Saturday, only 4 more sleeps....Hello Turkey.

Epiphany

While it is difficult to use your iphone while you are driving, the day after my impending doom celebrations i compiled a list of reminder words i should talk about in the early stages of my blog.  For a total of 25.8kms i created a list and i thought it best to include this, then extend on the details. 

Here's the list:
excellent friends
40 cards
vomit cake
cath and kim
sid and nancy
party like you're 20
hair crimp
pyramids
bucket list
dont leave your camera or phone with drunks
getting better with age
hang on to miffy
17 year quilt
Jim portrait
cowboy boots
princess dress
tamborines are so much fun
blogging
slant machine (stupid iphone)
the hangover
next weekend reminder
lost property
stubby glove

although many of these words do not appear to be related in any way, shape or form, they came to me from one night of fun.

Life begins at 40.....

2 more sleeps and i will be 40.   It is not something i have been looking forward to, in fact it terrifies me.  Everyone (who is over 40) says life begins at 40, is this to make you feel better about the impending doom or does it really begin?
If life is just beginning at 40, then what have i been doing for the previous 39 years and 363 days, just practicing?
Considering my new beginning, i thought i should get prepared and make a plan for this new life, two of my BFF from school days write a blog.  Do you write a blog, or keep a blog or do a blog?  i am new to this and i love to read theirs everyday (they buy me a little extra time in bed every morning....i am so happy when they are long ones), so after my second wake up this morning,  post impending doom celebrations last night (these details are for another blog) i decided i needed to start/write/keep/do a blog. 
Ideas were popping in my head, so many ideas, that i typed notes into my iphone from Tamborine to Beenleigh (and didnt run off the road, not even a little bit). 
If anything i believe this blog will help my transition to the new life, kind of like therapy, and seeing as this urge came to me almost like an epiphany, i should roll with it......wish me luck.