Three more sleeps ...

The big man  will be here in 3 more sleeps, i know this because i have watched Polar Express.  If you have kids who are starting to wonder about Santa, or if you need a little christmas pick me up, watch this movie.  I took my boys to see it when it was on at the movies, i laughed and cried and left the cinema thinking that Santa might just be out there.  Really? 

Elvis and I dont buy each other anything amazing for xmas anymore, just small things to put in a stocking. I have however bought him a sign for manland, i can write this because he will not be reading my blog anytime in the near future, or perhaps ever, and it does not fit in his stocking, also got a mini size bar top fuzball table (how do you spell this), this does not fit either so his stocking will be empty (note to self, get to the dollar shop and buy crap today).

What i look forward to is secret santa, crappy presents under $5, it is a laugh.  I miss the homemade gifts from my kids when they were little, Cookie did go shopping for us all, i did have to give him money to do so, i am busting to know what he got, apparently it is the same as my kiwi friend aka Pretty Painter Girl.

Lunch with my school pals the other day, it was lovely.  Hostess with the mostess aka Miffy put on a beautiful lunch, complete with homemade relish/chutney/jam. 

Relish - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A relish is a cooked, pickled, or chopped vegetable or fruit food item which is
typically used as a condiment.

Chutney - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Chutney is a condiment used in South Asian cuisine that usually contains a spice
and vegetable mix.

Can anyone clarify the difference between the two? 

It is these kinds of things which make the lunch special, homemade.  Miffy also had a free for all, kind of like a garage sale  but pile of stuff she had no space for, give away, even a shopping trolley and paper bags to fill,  this made me laugh.  Gifts were flowing and all hand made.  Inga, your treats have gone, i didnt even get to taste one, apparently they got the thumbs up, i am going to reuse the jar for my chutney/relish i am making today.   Miffy the soaps like you said have made my house smell like a nightclub (aniseed) mixed with a dentist (peppermint).  Tall boy said that the peppermint cleared his nose in the shower, i can say that you should not use this on your bits.  I am not sure if you have used essential oils, but i have wanted to sleep since i got them home lol.  So gifts from the heart, laughs, champagne and the greatest quiche ever, thankyou girls.

As you might be following Piper and his attempt to kill himself or at least get high on mushrooms, i believe he might be coming home for christmas.  If he isnt home soon i will have to sell the house or one of my children to pay to get him out. 

Mould carry mycotoxins, this can also be found in blue cheese.  Please do not stop eating blue cheese after you read this and Miffy if you need to read more google mycotoxicosis in dogs.

Piper had a fine old time rolling in the manure pile, this is kind of like rubbing that perfume sample off the magazine page to him.  This pile has been in my back yard for 2 years.  I visited him last night and he was sleeping, when he heard my voice he got so excited i had to leave, they may have had to sedate him again, i am not sure.  On Tuesday i was going to put him to sleep, the vet encouraged me to give it some time first.  You cannot put a monetary value on your animals, but i have always maintained that if a human had to miss out because one of my animals  needed veterinary care, then it would be time to let them go.  I kind of havent stuck to this after Felicity and her leg and now Piper and his mushrooms.  Inbetween i have had Stuart (white cat who has had sex change) with issues and Jim who cannot keep his own penis clean (yes this can be common for those of you who are not horsey people).  I am a vet nurse, i teach vet nursing, i preach pet insurance, i dont have it.  Even after Flicks injury i looked into it again, and didnt get it.  Lesson learnt.  I am down a family trip to Thailand for the money i have spent.  Onwards and upwards.  Fence off the manure, get Piper home, get pet insurance, start saving again. At least he is still with us.  Thankyou especially to all my friends for your kind words and well wishes, Piper is one in a million, for those of you who know him (and ignore the idiot side of him) you know what i mean.

Sunday Bloody Sunday (again)

Again, really ?  It seems only yesterday i was writing a blog last sunday?

I have 27 hours to write and submit a 3000 word assignment.  In my spare time this weekend i have drank bourban last night, and drank vodka this night, also cooked pad thai for 8.  I have not started the assignment.  I had words with Elvis aka Picasso yesterday afternoon:  i got home from 7 hours of riding and he had invited the entire street over for drinks, i had no food in the house despite the fact i spent over $200 in nothing really edible,  groceries on Friday afternoon and had done a morning trip to the markets for fresh fruit and vege, only to come home with a shitload of plants and 2 corregated iron chickens for my faux chicken coop.  I almost had a nervous breakdown.  I sat and cried, then drank half a bottle of bourban.  Was it the lack of nicotine or the fact that i had stuff to do which did not involve the street.  I do love my street kids, but i have a lot to do, you know one week before xmas, now 27 hours before assignment due. 

Here i am blogging, mainly because i have had 4 cans of vodka mule and could not possibly attempt any part of this assignment.  I have all day Monday to do it.  No i dont, i have lunch with my BFFS from school.  So what i do have is at least 5 hours in the morning to work on it, providing i get up at 5 am, cut this a little shorter as i will go to the gym also.  Yes i did get there on Monday/Tuesday might have been Wednesday, did a group fit class, was very hard, i think i may havce told you this?  Too many vodka mules, cant think. After lunch i have until midnight to submit the assisgnment and also contribute to the naff discussions where all the academics write smarty pants statements which bore the shit out of me.  Get over it, so what? you know big words....so do i : supercalafragalisticexpealadocious.

Speaking of academics.  I had graduation the other day for my students, i was in the academic parade (felt very important) cross between a bridle party walking down the isle and a walking the green mile.  FYI i was the only one not wearing a hat.  The entire conversation was about how many letters were behind everyones name, really, i dont care anymore, remember, i dumped it all to care for my vege patch. 

If i could pull out of this current subject due partly to the fact that i am too lazy to do the assignment, and at this present time too drunk, and not have to actually pay for it, because i have missed census date, i would. 

I told my hypnotherapist i had an epiphany.  She liked that word.  I do too i use it all the time.  I dont even know if it is possible to have that many epiphanys', seeing that i use this word all the time.  What about finding the notepad in kiki which was 21 days to change a habit....weird and freaky.

An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, "manifestation, striking appearance") is the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something. The term is used in either a philosophical or literal sense to signify that the claimant has "found the last piece of the puzzle and now sees the whole picture," or has new information or experience, often insignificant by itself, that illuminates a deeper or numinous foundational frame of reference.

Its true, it was on wikipedia.

I still have to get saturdays paper so i can get an autograph at lunch tomorrow.  Perhaps Miss I will bring along some already signed copies.  Note to self, stop at shop in the morning, get paper.

I felt like a cigarette the last 2 days, drank more instead and may have eaten enough biscuits to feed a small country.  It seems i have also not listened to my hynosis cd yesterday or today....mainly because it puts me to sleep, and also because one of my cats jumped on my laptop (which happens to be government owned: thankyou tax payers) and smashed it onto the floor.  It did come apart.  I was scared.  It is all ok.  I am typing on it now.  I will listen to cd after i finish this blog.

You are getting sleepy..................

Lego land and other stuff

It wasnt until a discussion came up last night over Lego that i realised how much i used to love that stuff, i especially loved it when my boys were old enough to have lego without shoving up their nose at the first opportunity.  I would say a girl wouldnt do that , but my neice Miss K put a bean from a bean bag up her nose, I may have encouraged it as their is only about 7 yrs difference between us, anywho, it resulted in a visit to the emergency ward.  Which is exactly what my friend Miss I aka Madonna was saying that the only lego for girls, might consist of a pony (i cant see the problem, every little girl should have a pony) or the cute house, which came with a man and a BBQ.  Check the picture above, they are all male.  This is really going to fire Madonna up, she can add this to evidence when she takes Lego to court over discrimination or they have her for defamation (she has already sent an email) which ever comes first ! So i plan to find some lego for her while i am out xmas shopping (if i can ever get motivated to start). 

I have decided to buy the boys a race car track, we were chatting last night about how boring their day was, and i said that i remember when they could make their own fun (without the x box).  They know that i always buy quirky stuff for xmas present, to fill the santa bags, and it think it is about time we revisit the race track.  we bought one when the kids were really little, you know too small to actually use it without wrecking the race by bumping the track or knocking the cars off, it really was grown up fun, and i believe we sat up xmas eve, got pissed and played with it all night.  Had to make sure it worked. If only Apple built tracks, i bet they would become cool again.

So Monday is lunch with Miffy and some other BFFS, i am excited.  I get to put up my decoration on the friendship tree and i also can pretty up her cast.  She is going to get it changed on Wednesday, just in case it smells and to remove the 100's and 1000's she spilt inside it.  FYI i have the coloured bandage in my possesion (craft moment: cant spell posession?).  It can go over your cast and i have 2 shades of green and 1 red, i am thinking holly? It will look great, i will also need to do Felicitys' leg for xmas. 

First day of holidays today, well interupted, i have to go back to work tomorrow for graduation day, all day up until 9pm, so if anyone is in Bris Vegas and wants to meet for lunch, let me know, otherwise i will find myself sitting around my office which i prematurely emptied yesterday.

I had checked out the local gym for class times and membership.  9.30 is a pump/weight/hype/jump, i dont know, some class.  I had decided last night i was going, all part of my new life.  This morning i am sitting in bed, typing this blog, and have zero intention of going to the gym, it is too hot.  I do have to put up a star picket fence for my houdini horse, to keep him out of a drain we had dug last weekend in preparation for another rain event.  I also need to ride him before i attend a clinic we will be going to on the weekend.  I say i am going, today is final day to make a decision, is $400 too much to pay to attend a riding clinic?  That is one quarter of my quad bike i need to rake the fricken leaves off my arena , i started to do this by hand yesterday afternoon, it is not fun, i then had to jump into the pool with my clothes on because i was about to pass out.  I did justify it by the fact that we would have spent way more than that this weekend had we been going to the race day, but we are not.  There is also alot of painting to be done before my family gets here xmas day.  Who am i kidding, i have painted 4 posts, since we started.  I should just ride my horse. 

My holiday list:

Move my poo pile into the gardens (not my poo, Jim's poo, just in case you were wondering)
Plant some plants in my empty gardens
Fence off the drain
Electrify the fence (need to find a sparky who will come hook up power in my horse shed first)
Swim
Bake (skin and cakes)
Exercise
Find my photo mo jo (i have requested a polaroid for xmas)
Ride my horse
Cut off my nails (poo/gardens/nails do not mix)
Take day trips (Tall boy needs to accumulate some driving hours, so he can get his P's in March)
Evans Head for one glorious week in the sun (and a deep sea fishing charter) I will be up for visitors, i think Elvis is dropping myself and the boys off.


Still havent had  a cigarette.  Not going to count the days, i really hate that when people know exactly how many days without.  Its been 4 and a bit.

Sunday bloody Sunday

I just wanted to wrap my weekend up.  I have only one or two days of work left.  Woo hoo.  After a code of ethics meeting on Friday, i cannot comment on how i feel about work at the moment, apparently social network sites not a place to vent.  Freedom of Speech?

Anywho as you all know i was hypnotised on Friday.  I had to go back to work afterwards, i was in a post trance haze and just left to drive home, couldnt be bothered with it, dont know if anyone noticed.  I got home and couldnt remember if there had been a roof on our house, a new section which has just been put up, i wasnt sure if had been there all along, needless to say i went to bed about 8pm, mostly because Elvis had to make some smart ass comment about being shitty because i hadnt had alot of ciggies all week.  No.  You shit me off, that is why i am shitty.  Good night.

Checked into the Sufers Hilton on Saturday arvo, we got upgraded, so our two bedroom apartment is now facing the ocean and also Soul being built right in front of it.  I bet the Hilton was pissed about this.  But wow, what a room, it was so beautiful and i have decided it is my new Gold Coast sleep over spot.  They even have good shampoo and conditioner.

Foo Fighters and Tenacious D at Carrara stadium, fricken awesome.  Fooies played for 3 hours WITHOUT a break.  3 hours was seriously not long enough to stare at Dave Grohl.

Now there was a conversation prior to going to Fooies with Elvis: if you are stressing about the crowds and the degree of difficulty in getting home.  DO NOT COME.  Apparently he thought that it wouldnt be so bad, really ? forty thousand people trying to get home from Metricon stadium, all at once.  Refer back to Australia Day 2011.  Enough said.

Yum cha at midnight.  Home to bed, yes early night, (well 2am) belly full of bourban and chinese.

Up for breaky and Elvis and Naana go play cricket.  Really?  I dont know why any person would voluntarily join a cricket team, unless of course you are being paid to play.  Have fun anyway, i wont be watching, we have breakfast to find.

Hilton cafe 'the foodstore' i know i called it something else on my FB check in, but that was the first thing that came up and i had lost interest.  I do need to let you know the name so that you do not eat there, and now i think of it, it may not even be the name, it is in the foyer.   Fresh made juiced anything.   Nice.  Coffee.  Nice.  Warm chopped eggs with sundried tomatoes, bacon and some tasty bread.  I had to ask the waitress if by warm she meant cold, and why the fuck would you put this meal on a plate which resembled a soap dish and most of my meal ended up on the table.  Queen Adelaide asked for Eggs Bene "firm"  i did comment that eggs bene need to be runny.  Dont they?  Apparently they do because the chef refused to cook them firm as that is not how you eat eggs bene.  WTF.  Good news, we go our meals for free and the in the foyer you could help yourself to free danish and softdrinks.  Need to also mention that while waiting in the check in line yesterday (it was like schoolies week, confirmed when we got home to find the cleaner scraping vomit out of lift with a rake), they took drink orders.  Free drinks.  Nice, in hindsight, i bet the cleaner thought it was probably not the wisest of ideas.

Time to go home, find the kids and put up some fencing.  Correction.  Got home, found the kids and did nothing.

Havent had a cigarette since Friday pre hypnosis.  Havent even cared, got through a night of drinking without lighting up. I feel that i am about to meet the healthy version of me and i am excited. I am not going to tell mum until xmas day, it will be a nice pressy for her.
I am going to make another appt to get me over my apparent food neuroses (and some other issues, for another blog or private conversation):
soggy cake in trifle
sultanas in anything
wagon wheels
jam rolls (the cake you put in trifle)
egg whites

Tonight i'm cleaning out my closet

Firstly i must say a big thankyou for the advice i received from my last blog "beaten".  The very next day i withdrew from my class and also fought the urge to forward the family guy video to my teacher.  It was a weight lifted.  I didnt enrol back into my photography degree either, although i did go to the enrolment cart, ticked the defer study box for the 5th time in three years.

Inspired by my decision to stop doing the same shit i do every year (find something to study), i have also booked in for hypnosis tomorrow. I sent the email to the clinic telling them i have decided to quit smoking and i need an appointment asap...before i change my mind.  On this day i also only had 2 cigarettes, then the next day, just one, today i have had 2, mainly because my head was about to split open with the pain and no amount if coffee, grapes, columbines or bread top was going to get rid of it (plus i almost stabbed the tall boy)...the cigga did.  In celebration of my decision, i had another one. 

So now the anxiety has kicked in.  What if it doesnt work?  I have a big night on Saturday, is this the right time to do it?  Will i sabotage myself and light up?  Apparently the hypnosis makes your unconscious mind think that you have never smoked...ever...i dont understand this but all the websites say it works, so it must, right ?  Then roll on more xmas celebrations, new years and camping, really this is not a good time....as you can see i am talking myself out of it.  NO.  It is going to happen at 1.30pm Friday the 9th of December !

I dont know myself as a non smoker, the last time i quit i was so bored with myself i started again. 

I do understand now why my friends who get so much done, these are the non smokers.  Today i did groceries, 4 loads of washing, made ALL the beds, vacuumed, mopped, and puttied up some holes in preparation for painting, i have cleaned out my office and my filing cabinets.  I am busting to clean out all the cupboards, this will happen maybe tonight, to stop me from going to bed at 8pm (cant sit up or i want a smoke). 

I know this is a good thing, starting new habits, find my photo mo jo, get my shit back on track, start the new year a healthy, happier me.

OR

I will go out saturday night, light up a dart, and have wasted the $250 it cost me for hypnosis :)

Beaten

My bits of paper include:
Cert III in Companion Animals
Cert IV in Veterinary Nursing
Diploma of Photoimaging
Cert IV in Training and Assessment

Partial bits of paper include:
Cert III in Equine Nursing (current)
Bachelor of Photography (current)
Graduate Certificate of Tertiary Teaching (current)
I did 2 years of human nursing when i left school, 6 months of a travel agent certificate and some other business related thing.

When i am not studying i am looking for something to study, when i am studying, my stress levels reach a point where i could stab the next person who speaks to me, especially while i am trying to study.  I am in my final semester of a post grad certificate, funny because i havent actually finished my degree yet.  I am in my third year of a Photography degree and have been there for approximately 3 years. My mid life master plan was to become a professional photographer, i dont do weekends so that cuts a lot of photographic opportunities out, so plan b was to finish a degree and wear a cap and gown, i got to the gown stage, but just cant get to the cap stage.  I dont have any more time spare since i work full time teaching Vet Nursing and Companion Animal studies at Tafe (i got this job while i was studying photography), then came plan b; finish degree, teach Photography.  Except now i have pretty much forgotten everything and was on a good GPA until i submitted a portrait of Barbie (which i happen to love) and my lecturer hated it.  Bummer.  I knew this before i submitted it, but did so anyway. Lesson learnt. So i have 2 first year theory units to finish and one year of my own work, and no time to do it, and no plan c.

Back to post grad certificate.  I am in my final semester and my god one of the units has me rattled (i even cried tonight).  My text book has not arrived, so i am behind on my readings (tears), and the readings i do have bore/confuse the shit out of me (more tears).  I am more pissed off that i managed to end first semester on HIGH DISTINCTION and now i cant even decipher the assignment. Who writes this stuff, i wouldnt want them at a party.

I sat down tonight to get stuck into it, it is due Friday and my lecturer is on a conference all week, so she cant answer questions as she has no internet access, what is she doing? Survivor? Fuck knows but i need her help.  It is then i decide i need to defer this unit (census date is tomorrow).  I am a pro at deferring, i have deferred for the last three years my first year art theory subjects i think i have 10 years to get them finished, and i decided last night i would be on long service leave then and i could go back and get it done.  Just for the cap. I have also lost my photo mo jo.  It has been gone a while, pretty soon after a bought a $3500 camera. Bummer. No mo jo would probably just produce more barbie pics.

So i need to make an executive decision: 
Dont finish my degree - no cap.
Defer this fucking stupid unit on action research (yawn) do it later when my head is not about to explode from my current life, i do have to finish it eventually, work is paying for it.
Concentrate on the other unit, which i have in the bag (too easy).
NEVER enrol into any more courses, which would result in not having to be always paying HECS (Elvis thinks it is free).
STOP looking at University courses that i think i might like to do in the future.
Do i buy tall boy an Iphone for xmas?  I think maybe i would if he didnt lose his phone every 6 months combined with the fact that they cost $800 (off topic, but really this is an insane request).
Use my spare time to grow veges in my purpose built vege patch and not weeds.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

December first, historically this is the day we put up our christmas tree and lights. 

I have a beautiful big tree i bought a couple of years ago before we moved to Tamborine, i wanted the biggest in the shop and i paid a fortune for it, it is 2 metres plus across the bottom branches and about 8 ft tall.  So big in fact it could house at least 4 cats at a time in the branches.  True.  They would wait excitedly every 1st of December for the final piece to be placed on the tree....then climb it.  There would be more cat hair in the tree than tinsel. It was Catmas time.

Anywho, we moved into our delightful Queenslander in Tamborine Village, and the tree just did not fit, we didnt have a 'corner' for the tree, so it sort of overlapped the lounge, coffee table and blocked view from the TV, kind of funny for a short period of time.  So i was forced to pack it away and buy a smaller version, yes i bought the one that has the really fake branches that shed green plastic all over the place, cats were not happy but it fit.  Now that our house has grown in size, and the boys have their own 'level' it was decided they could have the tree downstairs...no corner with a powerpoint, something to consider when you renovate/build: make room for christmas tree. 

I have put a baby $5 tree upstairs on the table, i even found disco balls for it and all it needed was one strand of battery operated lights...perfect.  Ethan decided today he does not want the tree downstairs, i think deep down he is worried about Santa entering the room, even though he told me last year that Santa was not real.  Really?  I watch the Polar Express every christmas and i have a giant bell, it makes me think that maybe Santa is out there (spending my money).

So i started to unfold the plastic tree, and the kids have zero interest in seeing it go up, or even decorating it...boys, at least the cats might enjoy it just a little, although i can already see the look of disappointment on their little faces when they realise they cannot climb this one.

I am however excited about christmas day.  I will have 6 little girls here who still believe in Santa, so Manland is being converted to Santaland for the day.  I am even dressing Jim up as a reindeer (he doesnt know this yet) We  have a Santa pinjata, although i will feel bad about wacking him with a stick, the smiles on the kids faces will make up for that.  My boys of course, in true pinjata spirit will get the final wack. While i have been busy shopping for my decorations, i still have not started the actual gift part.....seems i can do all the boys gifts at Apple, bonus, can also do this online, does BBQ's Galore sell online, Elvis needs a new one.

I do have to get my decoration prepared for the friendship tree that Miffy has, i was a little sad it is not actually a tree, and concerned at how my decoration might 'hang' once i have created it.  I just need to drink 2 bottles of wine first before i can make it.  Have my work xmas party on Saturday, need 2 x evil santa presents (which include blue), lucky to add this to my blog, as it just reminded me i had forgotten to get these....someone please remind me tomorrow to go to shop to buy evil santa gifts. 

Unfortunately the verandah is not finished, so i am not sure how to hang the lights.  

Tom and Carol are hosting christmas drinks tomorrow night, while tall boy hosts a 'gathering' in manland.  Happy about Tom and Carol, not so much about the 'gathering' which could end up a massive piss up for 17 year olds.  We never did anthing like that when we were 17 (didnt have a manland, did have nightclubs who let in underage drinkers).

Tall boy has a girlfriend.  He took her to the movies today.  He HAD to watch Twilight.  Welcome to relationships tall boy :)

Brain Fag

As you may or may not know i work on the Northside of Bris Vegas, a leisurely one and half hour drive there and back each day, and that is a good run without traffic.  Now the M1 can resemble a car park most days, and for those of you who commute, you can relate to this. I have 14 days of work left this year then have 6 weeks off which is the only reason i spend 12 hours plus per week in my car.  I have clocked up 78 thousand kms in 18 months.  Wow i hear you say (or not).

Anywho i requested to drop a day or work from home, but because some idiots who are given the privelage to work from home, sue their company for tripping over at home, i do not get this privelage, thats government jobs for you.  In saying that Pokie Free Drink Party Queen # 1 also works for government and she gets to work from home, in her PJ's if she likes and i am sure does not plan to trip or sue her boss.  Lucky. So in an attempt to drop a day, i was given a new job instead.  No drop day and i think i was suckerpunched.  I spend a good part of the day trying not to kill a workmate or allowing my head to explode all over my desk.

In a plan to get my shit together i now am getting out of bed at 5.30am.  Today i managed to ride my horse, load up the the wheelbarrow trailer with horse poo and spread it on the garden, put on and hang out a load of washing (no wait, i put it in the machine, forgot to hang it out, now needs rewashing) make school lunches, iron a uniform (no wait, i didnt iron it, he left crinkled), proof read an assignment (and add some which got me an A- grade),get the boys to school and get myself to work.  For most of these duties i was trying to think what i could contribute to Miffys friendship christmas tree (and coordinate a date to get together to hang said decoration on the friendship tree). 

I am really tired.

I am also going to steal her idea (if i can find the time) and have my own friendship christmas tree, seeing as the boys want the rediculously huge tree in their own lounge room, i need a special one upstairs.  So all my lovely friends it would be great if you could spend part of your day trying to find the perfect decoration, hopefully my head wont explode in the meantime and i will get to see it.

Long week

I havent forgotten, but just havent had any time to write a blog.  Now Miffy has pumped out 5 in one day, great work.  I figured i might need to jot down a few things going on in my life as i really have alot to say.  There are things i am quite happy to talk about in a public blog (assuming that more than 3 people read this) and things i would like to talk about but probably not for the public domain, i know Miffy asked once before if you could blog and maintain complete anonymity.  Great idea, get stuff off your chest.  I guess that is also what your BFF's are for, when you need to vent, they are your blog.  

Now the girls had a 'gathering' on the weekend, while it is true i played a part in creating the slumber event, it was a collaborative effort to have a girls night out.  I had used my 'free pass' the weekend before in Sydney so reluctantly had to withdraw my attendance from the event created on FB.  Actually i didnt do this because it felt so final and i was sad to be missing out.  I dont like to miss out, and this seems to put me in a bit of hot water most times, nothing illegal or inappropriate, just hot water.  You know, with the fun police.  Lucky there is no jail for the fun police to lock you in, i would certainly spend a considerable amount of time in there ! So for now i will laugh at the recaps on the girls night, and try not to laugh at Mrs L apparent stunt roll into the gutter. I love my girls and am so lucky to have them, I was touched that they have decided to bring the girls to me....I look forward to it, some notice would be good so i can load the pool with some floating devices which hold slushy cups.

Speaking of pools and fun police, apparently there is also a rule on pool toys.  Pool Toy Police resides in Tamborine.  This also makes me sad.

I have been out of sorts lately, actually for some time, i cant remember when it started or how it started or even why, i know Miffy will understand and may or may not remember us discussing this at a previous 40 club function, before she pinched the Aussie pencil case from the souvenir shop in Bris Vegas.  I didnt see any Bris Vegas magnets.  Disappointing.

Work has got me down, travelling in the car for about 3 hours a day (longer in traffic) might have something to do with it.  I love my job and the people i work with, i hate that my dogs want to eat the birds from our new avairy and also the chickens.  Flick drives me nuts and i have to take her because her stupid leg is busted and i am over changing the bandages every time someone loses sight of her and she swims in the dam.  Of course if we had a dog proof fence, she wouldnt swim in the dam....(venting).  Anyway, 5 more weeks with her splint on, i will have to create a xmas one for her soon, it is almost December.  4 more weeks and i have 6 weeks off work.....hallelujah !

I have bought some chrissy decorations and lights, inspired by the fact lunch is at my house this year and all the family is coming...i am actually looking forward to it, maybe not the fact that my sister is buying bon bons that have whistles in them and i will have loads of little people here to blow them, but that i can see my family all day on xmas day.  Xmas celebrations with my half of the family usually occur on boxing day, so this is a nice change.  Just need to get the hand rails up on the house, so a little person doesnt end up like flick with a cast on, and i have somewhere to hang my lights.

Went to Sydney last weekend with some horsey girlfriends, we visited an all thing horse type expo for 4 days, it was fabulous but also used up my pass.  Am i glass half empty  if i worry over the fact that i might only have another 15 years of horse riding left, and that is provided i am not broken in the meantime?  I dont want to run out of time.  I need more than another 40 years with my crazy school girls, i need to be able to see them when i want so i dont miss out on stuff, and i figure by the time we are 80 we might not remember each other, it will be nice to grow old together.

Renovations are back on and i was excited about painting, picked the colours, bought new brushes and paint, dropsheets even, i painted about 2 inches of timber and was over it.  I hate painting.  That is probably why we had a painter come in and paint all the other bits.  I thought it might be nice to actually do some of the reno ourselves, that and the fact that i can use the would be painting money to put in my holiday purse. 

I have a holiday purse, where i hide my holiday savings.  I did raid it yesterday to pay for a horse riding day and felt so guilty about it too.

I have also come to the conlusion that not a single person in my family (husband/children) is interested in anything i do.  How did this happen?  While tall boy has the love for animals that i do, small boy does not, Elvis pretends for my sake and will always be gentle when i ask him to bury something.  Elvis says it is because they are boys, surley they could pretend sometimes.

Move on

Anywho, i plan to have a fab week ahead  (power of positive thinking), ride my horse in the mornngs before work, this is nice, work ruins the day but it will pay for a holiday, so that is nice.  I have 2 beautiful boys, one of which is finishing grade 11on Thursday and will only have one year to go....this makes me cry every time i think about it.  The other will only have 4 after this one finishes.  Time flies. I have only got 16 more days of work left, but who is counting? 

I havent quit smoking.

I ate half a packet of lemon crisp biscuits and 2 peanut butter and jam sandwiches today while watching Twilight eclipse. 

Remember the days of the old school yard ?

We met in about grade 8, so 13-14 years old and now we are celebrating club membership.  The 40 club.  That is a long time to know someone and to still have so much admiration these people is something special.  Sure we all got on with life after school and some of us drifted apart, never to meet up again, but for some we have kept in touch or reconnected after a very long time.  And nothing really changes. 

The conversation can go on like we saw each other yesterday, but with a lot more 'remember when', and i swear everyone still looks the same and is as fabulous as they were back at school. I am so fortunate that this group of people are still in my life .

When Miffy started posting school days pics on crack book i promised to add some pics, problem is i have one photo album missing.  I have about 20 and i can still see the pics in this one clear as i was looking at it yesterday and really i cant remember the last time i saw it.  I was disappointed that i could not add pics to lifesaver T when he joined club 40.  So tomorrow, before or after i go shopping for my long lunch outfit, i am going to find that album, i do know for sure i have a box of all my negatives (somewhere).  I still have a few boxes in the shed which came to our Tamborine house (2.5 years ago), that have not been unpacked. 
I will Miffy have a heap of good pics to give to you....eventually.  Perhaps when we all join the 50 club??

Speaking of which .....

I was only thinking this morning i had a million things to get off my mind, and then i woke to read a fellow bloggers and BFF blog to see that not only had she delivered it to us all a day early, but she must have also had a thousand things to say, i loved it, it was so busy and interesting.  So inspired by this blog and also disappointed that the one she was promising for Tuesday had already been read, i thought i would share my thoughts.

I had vivid dreams last night, i dreamt i was fired from work, maybe that is because Mark Bouros gets to fire someone every other day and it was in my head, or perhaps it was the wine i drank with my neighbour in the afternoon....and dont you just hate Deni Hines and if she mentions her mother again, if she doesn't get fired tomorrow night i will throw my shoe at the TV.

Flick went swimming again on Sunday, i popped out for an hour or so to see how Queen Adelaide and Naana's holiday went.  The team effort of looking after her splinted leg is not real flash around here.  Queen Adelaide and Naana were glowing however, really, suntanned and excited about going back to Thailand....of course i said i would need to do that trip also.  More dreaming, but something to aim for, see we are planning a massive group family trip to somewhere the kids would kind of like also, they would kill me if i left without them again and this would only be because they want to pick the gifts we might bring back, perhaps Tall one will have a fishing trip that week when we plan to go and i will only have to take shorter one with.

Tall one announces that him and his mates are looking at hiring a house boat. REALLY. He is 16 and 7 months and thinks his bank account is full of cash...he only works one day a week but also dreams big, he even has mates with big cars and big boats (guess what he thinks he will be getting, yes he asked for a boat). Elvis and i both thought this idea was ridiculous, at that age.....  I actually think we did something similar, our friend had a big boat and his parents would take it out and anchor it and leave us on it, we would get so pissed, there were times i remember on occasions getting a boat stuck on a sand bar, i dont remember if it was the big one, Miffy might be able to help me with this one.....we can discuss it at our long lunch, the boys will have some idea at least....i do remember being thrown overboard into a herd/bevvy/gaggle of jellyfish, not nice.

I cant wait for the long lunch, it is my first invite to actually intend to have a long lunch, not one which you eat at lunchtime then keep on going until breakfast by accident.  I dont know what to wear and am planning a shop on Thursday to sort it out, but really i cant wait. The lunch is to welcome yet another member to the club (40).  Hopefully i will get to catch up with our French maid who i was sad to miss her club initiation due to sunstroke.  For sure we can share a bottle of bubbles to celebrate, even Miffy has declared she will be a sinner for the day, mainly due to peer pressure and i think she should as a reward for the lifestyle change.  Shitty time of the year to decide on a lifestyle change, but kudos to you for doing it. 

October 31 today, halloween.  The inside of my casement windows in this office look like i have decorated them.  The biggest spiders and plenty of webs, i had a giggle when i noticed it, and cant be bothered taking a pic to prove it.  Its true. Also last day of smoking.  Who am i kidding, i bought another packet tonight. I have anxiety already about getting through a long lunch with a bunch of non smokers.....

I started my new job this week, same place, same desk, new job...well sort of in preparation for next year, this is good but i cant wait until holidays...7 weeks 28 more days to drive to the arse end of the earth to sit at my desk and fight famnesia. Did not fight very hard today.

Sydney next week, Equitana, all things horse for those of you who dont know.  Am heading down with a group of girls, cant wait.  I just wish they would stamp your passport, now that i have one, then i can feel like i am going places....fast.  I might accumulate a few next year seeing as i have agreed to go to Vegas for a wedding (as a bridesmaid in my pink frock), Thailand, Canada and Darwin, I think the wedding is not going to happen because Miffy doesnt want me to wear my pink frock.  Now Elvis does not want to go to Darwin (apparently nothing is there) or Thailand so i told him that clearly our travel plans are not aligned so it would be better if he didnt come with and it would cost less also.  Like that will happen. 

My car has a massive scratch on it, someone has hit something and no one will fess up.  I did run over Tall boys bike in the garage, could have been me. Prove it.

The weather is shit, i am also anxious about another flood episode come xmas time, of course last year i spent my whole 6 weeks off freaking out about the floods, only to escape to Evans Head and get smashed with a couple of massive storms.  Note to self: need to buy a new gazebo to replace the one that got smashed last year, or was that Freemont St Dancers gazebo? I panic in storms and wonder why Piper (my dog) has to sit in a corner with his face pressed against the wall when a storm comes, poor baby, it must feel awful to be so terrified, oh wait, i was. I catastrophise. If my literary genious reads this, could you let me know if that is a word?

Planning a slumber party with my girls.....Inga thinks we are crazy, well at least 2 of us are on various levels.  I will save this for another blog ( slumber party and degrees of crazy).

Tears at the Nail Salon

Amazing Nails.  This is the name of the salon near my work, they are by no means amazing, it would be amazing if they could actually send you out happy with the job they had done. You know the ones, they are in every shopping centre, you can also get pedicures done in a massage chair and have your feet sanded to within an inch of their life and if you are lucky you might even go home with some fungal situation.  They were featured on today tonight or some show like that the other week, woman had these festy hands and feet post salon visit.  I figured it wont happen to me, and this one is really close to work, very convenient.

I have had so many comments lately "omg you have nails", yes, dont we all?  This reference is made due to the fact that i am not a 'girly girl'.  I think i was at some stage in my life, absolutely i was.  Now i tend to wear either jeans and jimboots or my backyard garden/horse clothes and boots.  I do however like the shock factor i induce when i put on a dress and some makeup, yes i can be bothered to make the effort...not often, but i do. 

Anywho, i went to have my nails 'filled' today in my lunch break.  This is about my 5th visit to this particular salon, and they manage to fuck it up everytime.  Not only do they not speak any english when speaking amongst themselves, so i always think they are talking about me, but when they do speak to you, it is muffled by a triple layer mask (they dont want to inhale the fungal spores floating through the air), but the english is also very poor, i just nod most of the time.  

My previous 4 visits i have kept my mouth shut, head back to work, pull the nail file out of my desk and fix my nails myself.  Today i decided to let them know how i wanted it done. "please dont take any length off and keep the shape i have now" so when she starts to file one hand down short and change the shape i ask her nicely to stop.  When she continues a little later in the process i tell her to leave it as is, no really, leave them (yes i had to say this twice). 

Now i have a right hand with very short nails which all point in the wrong direction, making me look like i have some digit deformity, and a right hand which after i told her to leave it, she did, this hand looks quite nice.  When the eftpos machine would not work when i went to pay, i had to go to a machine in the mall, as i walked out to do this i burst into tears.....really, i dont know if it was because i had to pay an extra $2 to use the atm, or that fact that they had once again fucked up my nails.  I bet they are friends with the hairdresser who fucked my fringe up....its a conspiracy.

Felicity Jane

Felicity Jane is our fox terrier.  When we lived at Jimboomba we had a few snake issues.  We all know that snakes are going to be around when you live on a rural property, our issue was that the cats would bring them inside the house, Dot was the main offender, she would sneak them in and let them go.  Nothing venomous made it into the house, but a snakes a snake. The final straw was when Elvis was getting his face lift and we all trudged home from the hospital very emotional and tired, to collapse on a mattress on the floor in front of the tv.  There was bird feathers all over the lounge room, someone of the feline variety had plucked a bird and eaten the good bits (this was a common occurance), we had to vacuum the feathers before we could relax, when i lifted the foam mattress up, there was a snake coiled up underneath it.  My eldest was 10 at the time and i made him kill it while i stood on the back of the lounge.  Mother of the year.

The decision was made to get a dog who could intercept the snake catcher before she made it into the loungeroom and who could also find the rats/bilbys/mice/bearded dragons/hares/possums/sugar gliders/birds the cat would also hide in the house.  Yes Dot was  a talented critter catcher, and she only had one eye, i cant blame her all the time though, i did have 7 cats.

Flick (for short) was purchased from Gympie, she was delivered to us as an 8 week old pup and found her first dead bilby (which was bigger than her) at about 9 weeks of age.  Excellent, she knew her job. She found the bilby in the boys wardrobe, one of the cats obviously lost interest when it stopped moving.

Over the 6 years we have had her, she has become Piper (my other dog) best friend and he is her beanbag (yes she sits on top of him), she has saved me on at least 2 occasions from a Brown snake and a Red Belly Black and has caught many more that hadnt the intent to scare the shit out of me.  On the occasion of the Red Belly, which crawled out from the vege patch i was weeding (this is the only thing i grow in my vege patch), Flick was bitten, more than once, needless to say the snake had its head chopped with a shovel and was proudly displayed by the kids, especially our kiwi friends whose son we  almost had to tackle to stop him getting too close to the snake before it lost its head.  Kiwis just dont understand the lethal part of our critters, i would move to NZ for this reason.  Anywho, Flick took a visit to the vet where she was treated for snakebite and is still with us today. 

I recently considered pet insurance for our critter catcher, and then forgot about it.  2 weeks later on the day of Queen Adelaides wedding, she injured her leg.  Of course seeing as we were busy bride/bridesmaiding it, i gave her some pain meds and put her to bed.  When the hangover subsided the next day i took her to the emergency centre for xrays: lateral antebarchiocarpal subluxation (ruptured ligament in her wrist).  Any wonder it was pointing the wrong way.  Mother of the year.  Poor Flick.  $6000 to fix it.  All i could think was that money could make for a nice holiday. 

So surgery is not an option, i could buy James' first car for this, she is going to live in a splint for 12 weeks and then we will reassess.  If nothing has been achieved we then need to make a decision. 

I have decided and was willing to do it from day one, to take her leg off.  She is a firey terrier and would get back to normal life, killing snakes and chasing the horse in no time. My Vet tells me i am being dramatic and give the splint a shot. Really, 12 weeks of dragging her to work with me (yes i have a dog crate next to my desk as Flick is a classroom dog also), making sure it doesnt get wet, that she doesnt run around etc.  who could be bothered?  Take the leg off, 10 days stitches out, back to normal.  Mother of the year.  My eldest son said he would rather put her to sleep than her lose a leg and it made me wonder if faced with the same decision with my kids/husband, would i say take the leg off ?  Probably not, just being dramatic. When i asked my son would he prefer to be without one leg or not be here, he opted for the latter, and that is sad.  I guess we take our limbs for granted and cant see our life being normal with such a change.

So the debate continues amongst the family and Flick is 2 weeks into her splinting exercise.  I left her with the boys for one day to look after her and she swam in the dam.  It is going to be a long 12 weeks.

Fads

What ever happened to Fags, you know the fake cigarettes we bought in the lolly shop as kids, they even had a red tip so it looked like they were alight.  Political corectness happened and they are now known as Fads. I should sue the Fags company for turning me into a smoker, no really it was peer pressure combined with the fact my mother smoked and i could steal them off her without knowing.  Besides, it was cool to smoke in the 80's.

This blog came to mind after my previous mention of cheap duty free smokes. I had planned to quit when the carton was finished.  Its finished.  I am still smoking.

I was at a party and a lady had an electronic cigarette.  She offered me a drag.  I put my VB down and accepted the offer (i had zambucca, but VB sounds more bogan to go with the drag comment).  It was hard plastic and when you dragged on it the end lit up light a christmas light.  You could even blow out smoke (apparently it is vapour).  I was excited, an alternative to actual cigarettes without quitting.  I even think non smokers would give these a crack.

I am talking about quitting because i said that October was quit month.  Now there is only 6 days to go and i am having anxiety attacks over the whole quit deal.  My plan is to have hypnosis, i need an instant fix so i dont kill my family.  I wondered if you could get hypnotised into believing all kinds of other stuff, i thought i might like to be an olympic hurdler.

Vegas Baby: part 6

Disneyland in 6 hours.

Once landed in LA, we crammed about 100 suitcases into a bus (we can no longer fit in anything smaller) and really there was probably 12 suitcases, 6 carry ons and a hat can between 6 people.  Off to Anaheim.  Now i was responsible for selecting the hotel and had stressed about this from the time I booked it.  Thankfully it was quite nice, Residence Inn Maingate. The reason it was stressful is because Anaheim has about 1000 hotels and 3 of them are called Residence Inn (with some other word after it), we needed to be close to Disneyland and a bar of some description.  We were both.  Now because it is close to everything Disney there is of course a million kids...everywhere ( I am really exagerating with my numbers today), and all the bars which were right next door, stacks of them had happy hour all night from about 5pm.  Happy hour on food and drinks, happy hours.  It really is the happiest place on earth (next to Vegas). Disappointment and probably relief to our livers is that everything closed at midnight during the week nights and thats when we arrived. We did choose to do Anaheim last to detox a little.

Anywho, like i said we did Disney in 6 hours.  This included purchasing tickets and waiting for PP to collect her first timer badges as the window she chose had run out, but she was not leaving without a badge, fair enough, i would feel the same except Elvis and I had them already.

The place was all dressed up for Halloween (yes early), a bit like the Aussies selling xmas trees in September.  Perhaps we need to start really celebrating Halloween to delay the xmas stock reaching the shelves around fathers day.

It is so beautiful.  We decided that seeing as we only had 6 hours, we needed to hit all the rides which had height restrictions on them, might be a little scarier.  We did do the haunted house (for littles, obviously no danger here as you get onto the ride while it is moving), and it was beautiful.The room with the snow was actually cold and the ginger bread room smelt like ginger bread, awesome effort Disney.

The first 'restricted' ride was one like the flume at seaworld, we waited and hour and a half to get on and then were evacuated just before the first drop because the ride broke (the kids behind us were not ours but some other Aussie family, who winged as much as we did when they kicked us off).

We were offered a one of front of line pass for our troubles: 1 ride = front of line.  We ran to the front of the next ride and held onto the pass for the next 3 or 4.  We used all kinds of diversions to hang onto this pass, i felt sorry for the people who had to wait while we pushed into the front (just a little).  The rides were great, we screamed and laughed like little kids. Yes i have an abominable snowman hat on.

On our final ride our front of line pass was confiscated, i think word got around that a group of Australians were bullshitting their way through the park.  The night parade started and every disney character with theme music marched down the main street, we got to follow it out to the front gate singing Supercalafragalisticexpealadocious...um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ly (my all time favourite song), the time it took us to get to the gate behind the crowd we had heard the chorus at least 30 times (not so favourite by this time). I mainly like it because i can spell it backwards if asked to.

After the grand exit, we headed to Bubba Gumps Shrimp Factory for shrimp (obviously) and happy hour mojitos/daiquiris/bacardis. We met up with our fellow travellers after their busy day in San Fran, headed off to bed when they kicked us out of Bubba Gumps.

Breakfast at our hotel was ordinary and shut at 9am, coffee was still crap.  Load the tour bus to go sightseeing.  Our bus driver was also a comedian (he thought) and after 10 minutes i told him to shut the fark up and drive (i said this in my head).  He continued to talk the entire day.  First stop Venice Beach.  Even though we were a large group with large men included, i was still nervous here.  It looks just like it does on TV and the men in muscle gym do their workout while checking consistantly that someone is watching.  The sell medicinal marijuana from a stall on the sidewalk, but you cant take photos, souveneirs are cheap and the beach is wide.  Stephan stopped for a toilet break, which was interrupted by a man carrying a saw...yes a saw, and i think Stephan may have gotten stage fright for fear of getting a piece of him sawn off (understandable).  I gave some money to a beggar for being honest in saying he only needed money to get drunk (i can relate to this).  We were forced into buying cd's of a group of men who claimed to be playing at the big day out next year, it seems every guy selling cd's is playing there as this was the third time i had heard it, i still said "awesome" for fear of being mugged, Elvis paid $2 for his, Freemont St Dancer paid about $40, still havent listened to them to see if there is any music on them.  Quick walk around and safely back to the comedian/driver.  Over to Santa Monica Pier, big beach, loads of smog and the greatest chilli dogs on earth....no they were not hot.  I had a panic attack on the ferris wheel and was held hostage until it finished, I paid $5 for this privalege.

 Bel Air and Beverly Hills....big houses, took loads of pics and cannot remember one of the famous people who allegedly live in them (comedian could have made it all up) so we continue to tell our friends and relatives the same crap...who would ever know??  Saw the Hollywood sign, walked over some stars (the ones on the sidewalk), not overly impressed with the place but at least we saw it (not like the Grand Canyon: see below for fake pictures, we thought we could fool someone).

Back to our hotel, and off to an Ice Hockey game; the Mighty Ducks and more nachos, and off to Bubba Gumps for drinks again.

Next day we had planned to go to Universal Studios, half the team went, we were so tired i could not face another long drive, apparently it was awesome.  We headed to Knottsberry Farm for the day.  OMG you have never seen so many roller coasters in one place, 12 i think and another heap of rides which looked equally as scary.  Between us we pretty much did them all and all felt pretty sick at the end of the day...it may have been the giant nachos i had for lunch, or the drinks i had the night before?  We went on a roller coaster called the Ghost rider.  2 mnutes of hell. I would imagine if there was a hell and i happened to visit it, you would be made to ride this roller coaster over and over. I wish i could find the pic of Mr and Mrs S&C, it is priceless, Mr S&C looks like he might have done a bit of poo in his pants.....seriously i didnt know whether to laugh or cry.

 Found it, there had to be some poo.

After a big day at Knottsberry, we stopped at some happy hour bar, had a couple of cocktails and headed off to get ready for the big flight home.  Load ourselves into 2 buses (we had loads of bags) and off to the airport for some serious duty free shopping (grog and smokes).  Really how good is duty free, smokes for $3.50 per pack.  No tax.  Did you know that the govt spends 6 billion dollars more on obesity related illness, than smoking related?  Just thought i would add that, read it in the paper yesterday.

With a tear in my eye our plane left the tarmac and was headed for the land down under.  I had missed my kids terribly, although when we arrived home they stayed long enough to get their presents and then went on with their lives.  My dogs were happier to see TT#1 (who house sat for us) than they were to see me and the cats were all pissed off, Taz because TT#1 had left her and Stu because he always gets the shits when i go away (dont worry we are talking again). 

I had a fantastic time on my first grown up overseas holiday and now just need an excuse to get back to Vegas.....Miffy was getting married again there, but her husband to be (second time around) is the party police and wont go along with it.  Anyone want to go to Vegas?????

I have the travel bug.

Vegas Baby: part 5

Morning after the biggest night i think i have ever had.......

Half the team had to be on a plane at 8.30am to see the sights of San Francisco, we werent so adventurous and had decided to stay another night, really we hadnt done enough so far? 

When i half opened one eye at about 9.30am, i do this all the time after a big night, one half open eye can indicate how the remainder of my day is going to pan out and i can confirm, this was not good.  We had forgotten to 'unset' the automatic curtain open, and when it slid open i had the feeling a vampire might get when exposed to light and this was even through one half opened eye.  First step was to find the remote and shut the curtains.  I found all of this automation amazing in Vegas (yes off track for a minute) we could set the ambience of our room via our smart TV, there were even three smart TV's which is kind of handy as you could access one while sitting on the toilet....odd.  Anywho, your curtains/lights/music/TV could come on in any variation: black out curtain or sheer, volume and lighting was all adjustable, it was really all too hard and i just wished i could flick a switch...there were no switches, even the toilet flushed on its own when you stood up.  While still off track and onto toilets, i was concerned about the water level in the loo, i reckon, and it was discussed at great length, that when a man sat on the seat, his bits might just touch the water (no one admitted it so lets say it is unconfirmed).  My drama was that if i was to vomit, there would be more surface area for me to have to look at, and seeing as i wasnt standing up after going to the loo, would it flush automatically or would i have to stand up after every retch...something to think about.  Fortunately i went a whole week without having to find this out.

Back to Vampire......

So we dont have too much planned for the day after the biggest night ever except horse riding in the dessert.  The shuttle was to pick myself and Pop Princess up at 12.30pm.  Great, time for a 2nd nap.  I need a second nap these days to get over a big night, it might only be an hour, but really it helps.  I had a quick shower and went back to bed.  When i did the one half opened eye deal after my second nap things were not good, i was concerned about the water/vomit and i think this is why i didnt spew the 50 litres of bourban and coke i had consumed the night before. GET up GET up GET up.

So i meet PP downstairs and need to eat something so that this desert ride doesnt kill me.  Fruit salad...cost about $9 and every bit i put into my mouth made me retch.  The fruit looked like our fruit, it just didnt taste like real fruit, or perhaps my taste buds were destroyed. So we wait for shuttle in 40 something degree heat, with jeans on, it was good to see we werent the only idiots in jeans, i felt ok with this, man my head hurt.  Apparently there are 2 pick up spots and of course we wait for an hour in the wrong one, once we found our driver, after rolling my ankle on a gutter which apparently was obvious it was there (it was painted fluro yellow), i think i also may have damaged my retinas the night before...we were on our way to Red Rock Canyon.  Did i mention we ran out of time and never saw the Grand Canyon.  This was the closest we would get, take pics, no one will know (unless you have actually seen it).

Our cowboy drives us there, says leave our handbags in the truck, he wasnt going anywhere.  Another cowboy offer me an aspirin and a soda.  We pack plenty of water and our cameras and we are off on our horses.  Extreme trail riding, over rocks and windy tracks, it was very cool.  Actually it was fricken hot and i was hungover, but i loved it.  We even saw chipmunks, although i thought Alvin was big on TV so we werent sure at first if these were real chipmunks.  They were, and they lied about Alvin.

After an hour and a half we return back to the ranch, and guess what....the truck has gone, with our handbags.  Now PP is thinking he has stolen them and we are going to be left to die in Red Rock Canyon, i am kind of agreeing with her.  They offered us a free shirt, and never gave it to us.  We didnt leave a tip.

Finally back to the hotel, nothing missing from our handbags (PP checked her purse).  I need food. We headed to the Hard Rock for dinner.  Food was great, the non alcoholic coctails were great and the service was fantastic.  One thing we do not have in Australia, is exceptional service.  It is disappointing, and i told every American who said they would love to visit Australia...not to bother.  Think i might try for a job with tourism Australia??

Early night tonight, i needed to buy another suitcase (we had already three) and attempt to turn 500kgs of goodies into 4 suitcases.  Success.

Back to LA in the morning, but not without a visit to Sheplers (a western store).  Now this seemed like a great idea, get up early, get a taxi to Sheplers, shop, back to hotel, airport, LA, Ananheim. 

Up early: check
Taxi 8.30am: check
Sheplers 9.00am: dont check, it didnt open until 10, so the cabbie dropped us at his favourite restaurant, 'The egg and I'.  He said the coffee was great.  The menu was like a newspaper, 12 pages of egg recipes.
Coffee was shit, the meals were massive and also shit but we had time to kill.  When Elvis eggs benedict came out in a bowl, i was concerned, even more so to see that the benedicts were floating in cheese, it resemble eggs benedict soup.  Star rating 5 for heart attacks.  Please let me see Sheplers before we die.

Sheplers 10.00am: check, stranger gives us 20% off voucher, even better.  We have scheduled 30 minutes to shop, taxi booked for 10.30, back to hotel, to airport in time for 12.15pm flight.

Taxi 10.30: late

Trying to drag 5 bags and a hat can (case to carry recently purchased cowboy hat) down our 203 step hallway out of the hotel, then try to fit it all into another taxi to get us to the airport, very fricken difficult, and i could taste the eggs the whole time. 

Vegas Airport 11.45: check, we come flying into the airport after dumping bags (and not overweight woo hoo), security check and find our fellow team members as they announce my name over the loud speaker.  Phew...we didnt miss our flight and i got to shop at Sheplers, super effort.  I can still taste eggs.

Only one more problem that my hat can does not fit in the overhead in our cattle class flight, they might have to delay on my behalf, until one of the aged hosties, came and shoved it in, neally broke it.  We were on our way back to LA, over to Anaheim and a fun filled day at Disneyland. 

We did Disney land in 6 hours, and were even evacuated from a ride which broke down (fortunately we scammed a front of line pass which enabled us to see Disneyland in 6 hours)...it was hard but we did it, even got to see the parade, PP was so happy.  Now to meet up with our San Fran team members for a well earned drink (like we havent had enough) at Bubba Gumps...just in time for happy hour, wearing our 'first timer' badges from Disneyland.

Vegas Baby: part 4

Wake up call about 8am.  Thanks.  Today was the wedding day and we had lots to see before this, so a quick shower, some breaky, and i think i had noodles for breakfast.  Nice option.  I might take this opportunity to let you know about the breakfast buffet.  I cant really remember if i actually ate noodles this morning as i was a bit under the weather, so because i forgot to journal please go along with me.

Breakfast buffet in our hotel included the regular eggs and bacon, although i must add i just loved the bacon in the states, it is deep fried so it is almost like jerky of the pork variety.  You can have your eggs anyway, they will make you omeletes, benedict, scrambled etc.  Toast, which comes in sweet, wheat or wholemeal, dont ask me what sweet is, i didnt try it and i just assumed they all had wheat in some capacity.  Cream cheese is popular, different colour/flavour mounds of it.  Chinese, always a good option for breaky, especially if you have not gone to bed yet, and it wasnt dodgy at all, i had noodles one day (pretend its today). Chicken, you could have a half or a whole chicken, cooked kabana, roasted ham...strange options, again for those who have not slept?  Biscuits and Grits, now i tried this eventually because i needed to say i had eaten Grits, well i didnt actually eat it as much as i put some in my mouth and in an attempt to swallow a bit of vomit came back with it, needless to say i dont recommend trying Grits just because you are in America.  Biscuits are like scones, so i put jam on them, i got some weird looks.  McDonalds does their Mcmuffin with biscuits, really ? Scones with an egg and sausage in between, not nice.  Cheese puffs, now from the desert bar (yes still breaky) i had to try a cheese puff, it looked like a croissant, only it was the size of a tennis ball and filled with that cheese i mentioned before that comes out of a tap...i am in heaven. You cannot get a cup of tea, unless it is iced and still forget the coffee, it is like a cup of poison that resembles coffee. Enough with breaky, i simply love a buffet.

We ventured to the Venetian Casino. The sky is blue with clouds, there is a canal and gondolas with real 'venetians' singing while they row someone up the canal...this is all indoors, it was beautiful, although i didnt have a ride because the singing would have driven me nuts, and once you are in a gondola, you have committed to the whole ride which might include alot of singing.  The shops in here were beautiful as were the fake cobblestone streets, certainly on the recommendation list to see this one. 

Madam Taussauds is also on the list, while i was reluctant to go inside (they are just wax models), i did.  It was funny, you can touch them all and there are props.  The first floor we found ourselves on many occasions apologising to wax dummies, they were spread around the room and if you bumped into one you couldnt help but say sorry or excuse me.  Funny.  We all posed with our favourite people and took stacks of pics.  I met Miffys boyfriend (sorry Miffy he wasnt real like i had you believe). I shot hoops with Shaquille Oneil and layed down on the bunny bed with Hugh. 

Bit more shopping, and off to get ready for the wedding of Mr and Ms S&C.  After i tried on 3 dresses and equally hated each one, i went for the old favourite.  Really i have had this black dress for longer than i can remember and i have worn it to so many events.  Always take your favourite black dress.  And comfy shoes.  No i didnt actually pack any comfy shoes, so have just worn different ones everyday so the blisters would not be in the same place.  Dont worry i had thongs in my bag to wear after the formalities.

So we load into the biggest stretch limo i have ever seen, I lie, there was one bigger in the car park but it wasnt ours.  But this was huge.  11 great people, 1 photographer and of course our driver.  Down to the Vegas sign.  Now the vegas sign is not as big as i had imagined, it is also on the median strip and there are stacks of tourists there, perhaps they knew a couple of Aussies were getting married.  When we arrived at the sign, the wedding coordinator was there and Ms S made me honoury bridesmaid, how lovely. The ceremony was short and sweet, the Groom was nervous as all get out and it was about 45 degrees.  Airplanes flew over, cars bipped their horns, i wish i had of videod it just for the noise, it was fantastic.  Woo hoo, they are now announced Mr and Mrs S&C and we load back into the stretch for a drive around to some beautiful hotels which offered photo opportunities. Well photos for the bride and groom, different bars for us.  Drop the photographer back at the hotel, slip into some thongs (for my feet) and head off to the reception.  Freemont St. 

What a reception they had planned, we drank out of footballs which held about 10 nips of spirit, the first one cost $13 and a refill was $10, i did manage to get through 2.  Anyway there was an 80's tribute band playing all night in the mall, light/music shows, weirdos galore, casinos which gave you beads everytime you walked near the front door and CHEAP drinks.  Within half an  hour of arriving we were either pissed or so excited about being here, it was out of control.  "I farking love this place" was mainly what we said for the first few hours.  The crowds gave us a wide berth and some were even taking pics of us (perhaps we were their weirdos). Have they never seen 11 Aussies singing 80's songs at the top of their lungs, nursing footballs full of bourban like babies?  It is here that the Freemont Dancer is born, it must have been a great place to bust the moves he was!!

 DO NOT MISS FREEMONT ST if you go to Vegas.

We danced the night away and of course needed to keep hydrated with giant size footy cups.  Did i mention you could have anything in them? Slushy, beer, bourban. 

On my way home i asked Elvis why everyone had just disappeared, apparently they had told me they were leaving and i simply refused to go.  This only became a problem the next morning when i got up at 9am with a screaming headache, and still drunk only to remember i was going horse riding in the desert at 12.30.  What was i thinking?  I was simply mesmorised by Freemont St, i wish we had one here...oh wait...some of our parties are like that! I will fill you in on the difficult morning which followed Freemont in the next edition.

Freemont St " I farking love that place"\

I would have video evidence if i hadnt lost the video camera i bought in the duty free shop in Bris Vegas, if anyone sees us pop up on you tube, please let me know.

Vegas Baby: Part 3

So Friday morning has arrived, i am without hangover, no one is anywhere to be found, they all have hangovers from Margaritaville the night before.  Elvis and I decide to make the trek to Southpoint Casino to see the Highrollers reining classic.  This casino has an arena in it, for horses, excellent casino option.  Also the Boot Barn is down that way somewhere. 

Yventka our Bulgarian cabbie, and we know she is Bulgarian because the 15 minute drive was a history lesson on Bulgaria, i lost interest after about the third word and found myself saying "oh yeah" , "wow" alot.  I didnt care, i just wanted to see horses and buy boots.  The fare came to $14.00 i gave her $50 and told her to take out $16.  Makes sense?  No.  She gave me $16 change.  So when i explained i needed $34 change, she gave me the $50 back, locked the doors and said "now pay me".  We were a little anxious at the door lock deal, all the cabs do this, one guy said it is done not because they are afraid we will jump the cab, but so we dont get car jacked. Nice.  Anyway Yventka (cab 661) I remembered this partly because i had written it in my journal and at the time i had put it into my phone in case i needed to send an emergency message to a hungover team member to let them know we were far south from the strip and had been hijacked by a Bulgarian cabbie called Yventka, she was not going to let us out until we paid the extra dollar she had demanded...had to pay taxes you know...big deal, so do we ! So we paid the extra dollar (made a $3 tip) and she released us. Thank goodness.  Off to the show.

Head through the casino, this one must be one of the originals, really old and the waitresses werent as glamourous as Aria waitresses, they were the economy type waitresses, not so attractive, larger in stature, but in very small outfits, knickers almost G string size.  I guess this would interest some?

On our way in, and this could only happen to Elvis, we are hit by timeshare, 15 minutes of trying to get away from her, we were through.  We hadnt booked a seat on the bus she tried to get us onto, and hadnt bought a hotel.  Excellent.

Reining was great, Elvis and I were experts very quickly.  Pink lemonade was shit.  No bubbles and about 2 litres of it (this was the smallest they sold).  I had intended to take loads of pics, suddenly 4 years at Uni had completely evaporated from my brain and i didnt get one decent pic of a horse. 

Next stop boot barn. Our next cabbie did not hold us hostage and even thanks us for our generous tip.  We gave $5 i think this time to avoid a hostage/drag to the dessert/tear our limbs off type ordeal. Phew.

The boot barn was fantastic.  I had $400 to spend of my birthday money from my very special friends (special: great, not special: challenged).  I found the perfect pair of ostrich leather boots and had some change (not much).  We need one of these in Bris Vegas.

The team members had surfaced by now and were meeting us at the Outlet centre across the road.  Crossing the road is so difficult in Vegas, the streets are 10 lanes wide and the stop/go sign counts you down in seconds, if you miss it, you wait for ages to get across, it is very stressful. 

More shopping.  Drop off shopping back at hotel.  Meet at Bar.  Seems to be the regular routine.  Tonight we needed steak, so what better place than the Outback Steakhouse.  It is an Australian themed restaurant.  Excellent.  There were kangaroos on the walls, giant sized didgeradoos and giant beers; in steins.  Dont they drink steins in Germany, you now Octoberfest?  I am confused.  So we order a steak, the salad comes first, they wait for you to finish your salad, needless to say we told them this is not how it works in Australia and asked why they did that in an Australian themed restaurant.  The chips (fries) in the states are awesome...i dont know why but they were.  The steak was great but it was coated in something spicy.  Everything is spicy except for their chilli....WTF...if you order a chilli dog, it is not hot at all, but if you order a rib eye, it is chilli. 

So our hungover team members seem to be seated at one table, they are drinking coke, we are back on the booze (i am squeaky clean remember), ready to party.  While i cannot get anyone in the party mood, we separate after dinner.  Elvis, Chawaiin (shes not a hooker) and myself hit the strip again, walking, walking, walking.  Despite the amount of food and alcohol we consumed, i actually lost weight.  Excalibur, New York and some others which names escape me were the casinos we visited tonight. I bought i giant red slushy from excalibur in a shiny red glass and it took me at least 3 casinos to finish it....pissed. Diaquiris are everywhere in Vegas, you can buy them from any casino, even on the street, there are slushy machines rolling around 24 hours a day, and they are potent. 

Minus 5 was  an ice bar we came across in one of the casinos.  Yes there is one in Sufferers Paradise, but when in Vegas...spend a shitload of money.  It cost about $16.24 with tax to get in, this gave you a parker, some gloves and a free shot of something (which tasted great).  Then you could buy drinks which were served in a cup made of ice, have your photos taken, exit after 15 minutes because you have an earache, buy the photos and a tshirt.  This 15 minutes cost us about $160.  It was fun. And from then on everyone told us there was one in Sufferers Paradise.  Well i am not there am I?  Plus i am pretty sure they dont serve Red Bull and three other colours in an ice cup....do they?

Back to Aria and we find Mr and Mrs Scotch and Coke....actually the wedding is tomorrow, so it is Ms Scotch and Coke.  They are winning big on the pokies (and of course abusing the free drink privalege).  Time to party. Mr and Ms S&C should be given a trophy for their party efforts while we were on tour.

Now the wedding is tomorrow, everyone else has gone home to rest up for the big day.  After putting a huge amount of money in the pokies and drinking about a million vodka red bulls, losing at Blackjack and finally kissing the dice and throwing them down the craps table...we load into a stretch limo (how else do you travel in vegas, and great news Yventka was not driving) and ask them to take us to the best strip club in town. 

Sapphires apparently.

After we have had a metal detector laid all over us by some massive security guards, and i am sure we were in some seedy part of Vegas, none of us paid attention during the trip, paid $30 to get in and bought a round of drinks which cost the price of feeding a small family...this was it...a real life Orgy.  OMG there was 2 topless girls to every person in there.  And who hooks onto me, some 50 something freaky woman carrying a full bottle of cognac,  is whispering something into my ear, only to deciphor that she "wants to hear me speak" ... Elvis is accosted at the bar when he goes to buy a drink, we decide to keep our backs to the wall and do not separate !

Ms S&C offers to purchase a lap dance for her soon to be Mr, he gets scared, Ms gets boobs in the face.  Ms tries to scale the pole dancing stage and security are zeroing in on us, time to leave. 

Cafe for breaky and i order chicken wings, not mention of chilli.  They arrive and the fumes make my eyes water.  Really...is it necessary to make everything so dang (thats american slang...lol) hot !!

5.19 am and we are off to bed.  Looking forward to the wedding.  Not looking forward to the effects of the night when the not hungover are making the wake up call at 8am.